4eva.&.alwaz

loz..

2010-02-23T13:40:00.000+08:00

wad shud i do nw.. wher do i stand nw.. can sum1 pls tewl me.. im loz.. n hurt.. badly..

magnet accreditation..

2010-02-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

10 nurses vs 18 patients.. yet its still so bz.. y is dis so?? tot 2dae will b smooth sailing due ta d staffin.. b booboo fetched me frm wrk laz nite.. was in a gud mood.. but it all ended wen booboo was so jahat.. is dat a sign?? oh wells.. im jus glad dat everiting is ovr nw.. had our magnet audit in d wd 2dae.. heard dat d auditor was impressed.. im proud of it too.. but im lookin 4ward ta d 8daes off.. hope its soon.. hehes..

aniwaes.. im so so pissed off wif dat porter 2dae.. i was so damn bz settlin everiting n gettin everiting rdy fer her.. n instead of helpin me.. she kip naggin at my ear askin me ta hurry up.. n kip sayin dat she wanna go hm.. i oso wanna finish up everiting n go hm on tym wad.. nearly screamed at her lahs.. but tahan cos i dint wanna make a scene.. end up feel lyk burstin out everiting.. so many tings kept inside.. ARGHS~!!!!

green's d colour of j..

2010-01-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

sumtyms i dun wanna feel dis wae.. but yet i cant help feelin dis wae.. tot i saw *her*.. which im actuallie kinda afraid.. dint wanna tewl u at first.. but wen i told.. u asked *her*.. n said dat it helped broke ur silent fight.. n u dint xplain.. wanna feel glad dat i helped u.. but i cant.. mayb im dat selfish.. wad shud i do?? i reallie hate d me ryte nw.. i shud b more supportive.. n more trustin.. *u 4gt bout 2dae*

revived frm d dead

2010-01-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

gt a sudden rush ta start writin my blog agn.. howeva.. been puttin it off cos my life's been thru so many ups n dwns lately.. finallie gt tym ta sit dwn n reflect bout laz yr.. n tink bout my resolutions fer dis yr.. was reallie lookin 4wd ta dis yr actuallie.. cos it was supposed ta b a special yr fer me.. but sumhw.. in d laz few mths.. i'v been tinkin bout lotsa stuffs.. n it kinda changed my perspective in a diff wae.. wun sae its a bad wae thou..

d start of 2010 isnt gud at all.. even at wrk.. RMS since 1st jan.. n thou its nt my pt.. but everi1 still kena.. end up i oso kena RMS myself.. sumtyms i jus feel so tired.. wanna quit.. but wad m i ta do if i quit?? moreover im startin sch agn soon.. nid d cash fer studies.. so.. jus hafta suck it up n jus get thru it.. hope tings will turn fer d betta sumhw.. but i guess i hafta learn hw ta relax more n take tings in my stride..

finallie wen out wif my jiemeis.. its been so long.. n car gave us a new name.. instead of jiemeis.. she called us "beauties n d beast".. to accomodate andy in our grp.. hahas.. but its still kinda weird ta b d onli guy in d grp i guess.. oh wells.. had a great tym wif dem.. thou moz of dem were targettin su.. fer her recent breakup.. s long s su's happie.. im happie fer her too.. to each their own.. but i cant wait till d nex mtg.. hees..

wanna go travel d world.. esp europe.. but hafta wrk hard n study hard 1st.. n hopefully i'll save enuff ta bakpack arnd europe fer 2 yrs.. or prob 4 yrs.. mite stae n learn bout d diff cultures n lifestyles in each n every city.. n town.. hopefully.. i'll b able ta find my special sum1 ta acc me bakpackin.. feel dat sum1's been hintin recently.. but im reallie at a loz rite nw.. dunno if we'll make it thru.. jus.. take a step at a tym i guess..

n hope my neck gets betta soon.. prob hafta go c a chinese acupuncturist soon.. (><,*)

messed up..

2009-10-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

been awhile since i laz posted.. lotsa stuffs on my mind.. yet i dunno hu ta tewl.. or wad ta sae.. n dats y i decided ta turn bak ta my moz trusted fren.. d blog.. wher i can write wadeva i wan w/o havin ta worrie wad ppl tink or wad ppl sae.. d paz few daes were lyk shyt.. feels so loz.. eva since i wrote dat msg ta him.. y did i wanna start sth outta nth?? oh yeah.. coz i had nth betta ta do.. n nw its goin dwnhill.. n im nt sure if it'll eva b d same agn..

wanna haf a gud chat wif ya.. but feels s if u'r avoidin me.. n im nt sure wad r we rite nw?? 2dae u msged.. after almoz 48hrs.. but im nt sure if i shud reply u.. i reallie dunno wads goin on rite nw.. can sum1 pls tewl me?? so messed up..

heartbroken..

2009-05-20T22:30:00.002+08:00

heartbroken.. cos i noe dat its nt gonna b de same animore.. wen ya told me ta go find sum one else.. is dis wad ya reallie wan?? i noe im alil pushy wen it comes ta marriage n all.. but dis is jus my opinion.. its nt a mus.. n yet.. ya jus ask me ta go find sum one else.. does dis mean dat ya had enuff of me alrdy?? or dat ya cant c a future wif me?? sumhw i jus feel dat de commitment issue is jus an excuse.. even de convertin issue isnt an issue animore.. so wads holdin ya bak?? i reallie wish i understand.. i hope ya can tewl me..

hurt*

so long.. so dead..

2009-05-20T22:30:00.001+08:00

its been so long since i laz posted.. everiting been's so dead.. n i jus can't help it.. cos everidae is so bz.. i jus wanna escape frm everiting.. live in my own world.. but nw.. im jus happie dat im officiallie bak at central.. wer i belong.. i reallie miss de peeps dere.. esp mylene dayah marianna tzyy huey n amelia.. n nw.. fatin's dere ta join me.. mabbe i'll consider postponin my transfer.. moz prob i guess.. gonna go get my deg first.. weee.. (:

**im lurvin twilight.. jus cant seem ta get enuff..**

hate myself fer being so needy..

2009-03-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

sumtyms i reallie hate myself fer bein so needie.. y?? hais.. i reallie dun understand.. n it seems lyk ya tryin to breakawae frm mie..

::heartbroken::

dyin soon..

2009-02-14T18:00:00.000+08:00

feels s if im dyin soon.. 6daes gone.. to tink i cud last till todae.. it wasnt easie at all.. reallie.. n i reallie hoped dat i can cya todae.. but i guess i was wrong.. im dyin inside.. i wan ya ta b here.. i nid ya ta b here.. but u arent.. im heart broken.. truly heart broken.. n ya'll nv noe.. n i hate ya.. fer doin dis ta me..

wad a fan-freakin-tastic dae..

2009-02-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

haf ya eva felt dat ya so useless at tyms?? cos sumtyms.. ya wanna do sth so badly.. n ya reallie wanna finish wad ya suppose ta do well n in tym.. but yet.. ya cant do aniting xcept ta wait.. i felt dis wae todae.. n i reallie hate dis feelin.. s much s i try ta do help out.. i realised dat actuallie i cant do aniting xcept ta wait..

hafta take GXM fer my pt's bld transfusion but HO left wae too earlie.. askin me ta call de on-call instead.. n on-call wad lyk.. "hello.. wad tym is it nw.." n all.. urghs.. if i can take.. i nidta call dem mehs.. irritatin lorhs.. sumtyms i reallie wonder dey study so much fer wad sia.. wen their attitude is lyk shyt.. so disappointed..

den another pt of mine.. dunno y lahs.. kip refusin everiting.. dun wanna take post transfusion blds.. dun wanna change dressin.. dun wanna gif de team check aniting.. i noe its normal ta feel frustrated too.. but i jus feel dat if she gifs up on herself.. den dere's no wae anione can help her.. cos all dese is within her.. its prettie sad actuallie..

im actuallie lookin ferward ta st. valentine's.. even thou dere mayb a possibility dat bie cant bk out ta acc me.. but at least i noe dat i wun b alone.. cos dere's a family gatherin at my place.. but if cos.. nth beats ya bein able ta bk out ta spend de dae wif me.. even wen ya hate dis dae lyk totallie.. hehes.. i'll b prayin fer de bez.. lyk wad ya sae.. "xpect de unxpected"

ta convert.. or nt ta convert..

2009-02-08T20:00:00.000+08:00

*drumrolls* n de topic fer de dae was: ta convert.. or nt ta convert.. was havin a chitchat session wif my colleagues after wrk todae.. n sumhw.. dey came up wif dis topic fer me.. seriously.. mny ppl toked ta me regardin dis issue.. n i haf an idea wad dis whole ting is abt.. i reallie do.. its jus dat.. sumtyms.. im wonderin if im livin fer myself.. or fer de others.. i reallie dunno.. ta me.. it isnt so much of a big issue.. but to others.. it reallie is.. n i reallie dun understand.. i tot im de one dat's involved??

but i reallie appreciate u peeps.. i reallie do.. fer explainin so many tings ta me.. n givin so many insights n advices ta me.. its jus dat.. im jus s confused s it is.. n de ting is dat.. bie nv discuss abt dis issue wif me.. so i reallie dunno wads on his mind.. wad he tinks n all.. i noe he doesnt wanna force me ta make a choice rite nw.. but sumtyms.. i cant help but wonder.. m i jus tinkin too much?? xpectin too much frm dis r/s?? i hope nt.. but i cant help but feel dat wae.. n de wae ya treatin me.. lurvin me.. rite here rite nw.. i reallie wanna bliff dat im nt tinkin too much..

bie.. im reallie missin ya so badly.. even thou we jus parted 3hrs ago.. but its gonna b a long wk till i hear ya voice n cya.. hopefullie it'll b on sat.. *prays hard*

wher does my future lies..

2009-02-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

seriously.. i dunno wer m i gonna end up in 10yrs tym.. i used ta haf visions.. bein able ta c myself.. n wer im in 10yrs.. but nt animore.. im startin ta wonder if dis is de rite job fer me.. s in.. it has its benefits n all.. but sumtyms i feel dat i can do betta.. mabbe try out other jobs.. cos im still young rite?? i dun wanna stik ta one job.. i tink its so gonna bore me out.. n yet.. im afraid ta change oso.. afraid dat i mite b makin de wrong decisions.. y r women so contradicting?? sumtyms i reallie dun understand myself..

i wanna haf a family.. my own family.. yet dere's so much ta consider.. n c-in de divorce rate nwadaes scares me.. wad if.. i reallie cant imagine.. watched "bride wars" recently.. n i reallie wanna get married so badly too.. but i nid de purfect reason ta do so too.. de rite reasons.. jus lyk hw both of de main characters wan their weddings ta b purfect.. everi person dat i mit.. i will alwaes wonder if im gonna b wif dat person in de end.. n i do reallie hope ya de one.. but.. i reallie dunno.. do ya??

sumtyms i wished i was borned wif a silver spoon.. nt dat my family is dat bad or aniting.. cos i seen even worse.. n i reallie treasure my family alot.. but bein borned wif a silver spoon is reallie very blessed.. provided if de person noes hw ta use his/her money wisely lahs.. cos money is sth dat ya cant do w/o eh.. i jus hope dat it isnt gonna b a big issue in my future.. cos im reallie tryin ta save.. even thou i noe i tend ta spend alot n pamper myself.. but im reallie tryin..

de world dat revolves arnd ya..

2009-02-05T10:00:00.001+08:00

sumtyms i reallie tink dat de world revolves arnd ya.. n it scares mie so damn much.. wad if one dae ya arent by my side animore?? i reallie cant imagine dat happenin.. oh gawd.. sumtyms i wanna breakawae frm ya.. cos i feel as if im relyin on ya too much.. everi wk.. everi wk.. de same ting happens.. ever since de start if dis yr.. havin ya by my side at nite.. n wakin up wif ya by my side in de earlie mornin feels so rite.. n yet so wrong.. cos i cant openly tewl everi1.. bout us.. bout de real us.. de wae we hafta come hm late n leave hm earlie makes me feel so.. sneakie.. s if im doin sth dats so wrong.. even thou im in my own hm..

i reallie wan ppl arnd me ta accept us.. fer hu we reallie r.. but its nt eazi at all.. im reallie afraid ta hope fer de future.. cos even thou i alwaes sae dat i dun mind hw other view us.. n im rdy fer wadeva it takes.. but.. actuallie i reallie wan our familie ta accept us.. both of us.. i dunno if ya feel de same wae s i do.. but i guess its jus me.. cos gurls tend ta b alil more sensitive den guys..

i reallie miss ya so much.. it reallie hurts.. but i dun blame ya.. jus wanna find an place ta pen down my feelins n tots.. n hopefullie one dae ya'll b able ta read n understand me alil more.. till den..

finallie bak..

2009-02-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

hahas.. been so long since i last blogged.. lyk almost a mth.. i tink im so gonna forget ta post soon.. hees.. was reallie tryin ta juggle wif everiting.. bie goin ta ns.. de cny.. n oso transferrin ta 'a' stn.. reallie wanted ta post sooner.. but sumtyms i find it a chore.. even thou i noe wad ta write n all.. i wud rather go read a bk or my fanfics.. n im so totallie hooked into readin nw.. dunno y oso..

aniwaes.. its my post nite agn.. but dis tym.. its at 'a' stn.. my new enviro.. de wrkload here is lesser.. makin me do tings at my own pace.. which i tink im so gonna rot n die soon.. hahas.. sumtyms i jus cant find aniting ta do thou.. which makes me wanna pull my hair out.. but tym still passes by.. im jus glad dat im here nw.. hehes.. can slack alil more..

did nite wif pj n rouzel.. new colleagues s well.. was alil afraid at first.. but nw its cool.. n my 3nites passed smoothly.. xcept fer sum.. incidents.. but i guess its jus de same aniwher else.. hahas.. oh ya.. de one n onli ting here nw is dat its so damn cold.. i wore both my long sleeved thermal wear n jacket.. but its still so cold.. n dey call it de "north pole" dere.. hahas..

cny was great.. even thou i was on nite.. n grumbled alot even thou i requested fer it.. n caught a toopid fever + sore throat bug along de wae.. but it was cool.. n dis is de first yr bie joined my family fer cny visitins.. even thou it was jus a short period of tym.. but i reallie appreciate it alot.. thanks bie.. hees..

aniwaes.. im finallie mitin de gurls tmr fer dinner.. it feels s if its been so long since i last saw dem.. hahas.. wonder hw's their cny too.. wanted ta go visitin tog dis yr.. but i guessed it was cos of de clashes in our wrkin sche.. we hafta change it to a dinner instead.. oh wells.. wadeva wrks.. im jus lookin frward ta c dem tmr.. sorrie bie.. hafta mit ya alil lata.. forgif me kies.. (^^,*)

tots abt de future..

2009-01-08T04:00:00.000+08:00

gud mornin peeps.. im on my 2nd nite.. one more nite ta go.. n hopefullie 'yangz'll b out ta acc me.. *i wish*.. aniwaes.. nite's prettie gud dis rnd wif mylene n arriaty.. n oso nt forgttin fatin.. mylene's baby.. hehes.. xcept fer one of de aunties.. but i'll survive dat.. sprained my ankle thou.. while pushin her bed out.. damn.. oh wells.. hopefullie de swelling's gone by mornin..

so many sudden tots jus came ta my mind while i was on de wae ta wrk last nite.. dunno y oso.. was watchin sum variety show tokin abt "mary-kate n ashley".. n i tot.. "wow".. its so cool ta b dem.. budden.. on 2nd tots.. im sure dey haf their dwns too.. i guess its jus hw we live our lives.. which brings me ta another tot.. "m i gonna alwaes remain lyk dis??"

seriously.. i reallie dunno.. was wif 'yangz at cq last sun.. havin sum snacks frm 'allegro'.. a spanish snack stall.. n i reallie wanna open a shop lyk dat s well.. but i noe its nt ez.. i reallie dunno.. so many dreams i wanna pursue.. but.. wher will i b in de end?? i reallie dunno.. sumhw.. i dun wanna settle dwn so fast.. in careerwise.. but i noe i gotta start plannin fer my future..

bie.. so many tings i wanna share wif ya.. n i reallie nid ya advices badly.. cant wait till ya bk out todae.. hope ta cya tmr.. till den.. bless my ankle.. (><,*)

jus sum random tots..

2009-01-03T17:36:00.000+08:00

its been alil more den a wk.. wich oso marks de end of yr 2008.. n de start of yr 2009.. ta me sumhw.. it doesnt makes much of a diff.. if ya dun consider dat ya gonna b another yr older.. but life's still de same.. haven reallie done my reflections fer de yr 2008.. n oso my resolutions fer 09 yet.. but i hope i'll do it soon..

gonna haf steamboat wif my family todae.. wish ya were here.. but mabbe its betta ya chose nt ta.. brings bak many memories.. doesnt matter if its gud or bad animore.. its all in de past nw..

dis song kip appearin in my mind todae.. n i cant help but start hummin ta de song.. dunno y oso.. or mabbe i guess i do.. i jus dun wanna admit it.. but sumhw.. i feel so strongly.. rite here.. rite nw..

如果你爱我你会来找我
你会知道我快不能活
如果你爱我你会来救我
空气很稀薄因为寂寞

::emoin::

take mc..

2008-12-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

I WANNA TAKE MC TODAE~!!

im takin mc.. dun care..

after 2 long wks..

2008-12-25T00:25:00.000+08:00

de 2 long awaited wks finallie passed by.. n mani more ta go.. but i'll worrie abt dat lata.. all dat matters ta me rite nw is dat ya here.. arigatto.. our first xmas eve spent tgt.. thou i noe ya dun celebrate n all.. but it was very meaningful ta me.. in another wae.. feels kinda awkward.. dunno wad ta do n all.. but reallie thanks alot..

till dis sun ne.. ya hafta bk in agn.. hopefully ya can bk out in ny eve.. but i'll b wrkin.. so it doesnt makes much of a diff ta me aniwaes.. oh wells.. received many gifts frm my colleagues todae at wrk.. thanks babes fer de many lurves.. hehes.. had a great tym at wrk todae too.. thou it was kinda a very embarrassing one.. cos of my new hairstyle.. hees.. hope tmr will b a betta dae..

MERRIE XMAS EVERIONE~!!

18hrs more..

2008-12-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

gt 2 daes off.. but ya nt here ta acc me.. spent de dae wif my family at msia.. wenta cut my hair short.. its damn cute can.. hahas.. as if.. was supposed ta go ta nr0511's reunion dinner.. budden it was cancelled due to low response.. den made an appt wif darlin aniza ta go makan tgt.. but darlin's sick.. n im nt feel very well too.. so end up cancellin de dinner too.. damn sadded lahs.. but i feel very loved by many.. esp wen ya nt arnd.. hees..

hadta wrk 2 daes after my slpin dae till i gt my off todae.. damn shag lahs.. n my flu's nt goin awae.. seems lyk many r catchin dis virus.. oh wells.. take care peeps.. was de jr fer de whole of rm 22 fer de past 2 daes.. sat pm shift wasnt so bad lahs.. xcept fer de lil gurl hu had sum issues.. but im lucky ta haf veni s my tl.. sun am was de one.. dint reallie slp de nite.. cos i was sorta plannin hw ta effective xpand my tym usage.. im glad everyting ended well.. thou my last spongin was at 12noon.. wich was very late lahs.. but i did my bez alrdy.. n everiting wen smoothly.. n im glad my tl's racquel.. my "mama".. hahas..

im goin shoppin wif imouto tmr.. weee.. hafta reallie shop fer my cny clothes liaos.. gt sum stuffs in mind.. jus hafta c if dere's aniting dat fits my xpectations i guess.. mitin shini n qingqing fer dinner.. plus a gossip session i guess.. weee.. hahas.. nt reallie lahs.. i guess its more lyk de plans fer fd in de comin yr.. i reallie hope jiaxuan can join us s well.. weee.. all females rule~!! wahahahas..

arnd 18hrs more till 'yangz can bk out.. n i reallie cant wait till den.. n its gonna b 5daes till he gotta bk in agn.. thou i cant get off on both xmas eve n xmas.. but im glad he's out.. n thou i doubt i'll b c-in him fer de 5daes.. but all i can do is hope fer de bez ne.. till den..

PAYDAE~!!

2008-12-18T12:18:00.000+08:00

weee.. im lyk damn happie n damn irritated at de same tym can.. ARGHS~!! shall tok abt de bad stuffs first.. i TOTALLIE DISLYK de nyp gurl dats wrkin nite wif me lahs.. she's lyk damn lazy can.. n i hate her f*ckin attitude.. i dun mean dat im reallie hardwrkin lahs.. but at least i noe wich r de more impt stuffs.. n wich r de ones dat can b done lata.. URGHS~!! last nite alrdy.. ya betta nt b steppin on my nerves.. I F*CKIN HATE YA~!! n i'll request nt ta do nite wif ya.. even thou ya geetha's babie..

WHEW~!! ok.. dats done.. on a briter note.. de nite went smoothly s usual.. thou dere was dis auntie hu kept vomittin non-stop.. n even i felt lyk vomittin lahs.. de smell is damn pungent can.. but i had my share of fun too.. lyk wen de 'a' gurls was pushin de bed bak after sendin pt ta icu.. its damn funnie cos de rollers of de bed kept makin dis squeekie sound.. luckie im nt alone lahs.. if nt i'll b tinkin weird tots.. hahas.. ended up bein scolded by de 'a' gurls.. s dey tried pushin de bed slowly.. but it ended makin even more noise.. hahas..

dint go bak wif yuxiu todae.. gt new kaki.. n dat's arriaty.. hahas.. n we did sth darin todae.. we walked de basement ta de mrt.. its lyk damn scarie can.. oh wells.. its over nw.. n im nv gonna step in dere agn.. im jus glad we chose ta walk it durin de dae wher dere were lyk many ppl.. instead of walkin in de nite.. i jus cant imagine sia..

WEEE~!! gt my payslip last nite.. n apparently.. frm wad i heard frm siti.. its alrdy been deposited in our acc.. n she called at 12midnite.. dis gurl arhs.. wahahas.. damn cute lahs.. but im reallie glad ta haf dem arnd me.. im fillin my tym while ya gone.. arigatto fer callin me dis mornin.. but i was kinda hurt sumhw.. n yet i cudnt tewl ya.. take care..

filling my tym..

2008-12-17T09:30:00.000+08:00

im bak frm my 1st nite.. n im happie.. cos everiting wen smoothly last nite.. even de calls were lesser.. hope tonite will b de same.. hees.. n im glad dat im on nite wif ppl i can click.. lyk geetha n arriaty.. kept tokin non-stop last nite.. hehes.. oh.. n i manage ta catch a wink too.. was kinda a swit one.. cos i dreamt of ya.. hees.. *blush*

wen hm wif yuxiu.. one of another colleague dat i sumhw bcame close wif.. dis is de 2nd tym goin bak wif her.. but sumhw.. its so diff frm de 1st.. cos i rmb de 1st tym.. we jus took out our mp3 n listen.. but todae.. we chatted de whole wae hm.. revealed part of myself ta her.. wich was kinda weird actuallie.. but she gave me very gud advices too.. thanks babe..

lotsa stuffs r on my mind recently.. mabbe lyk wad mummie used ta sae.. im livin in my own world.. but eva since ya gone.. i started lookin at de outside world.. n realised lotsa stuffs.. lyk hw my parents looked older nw.. n hw luckie im ta haf dem s my parents.. my family.. hw much dey meant ta me.. esp my imouto.. even thou she's younger den me..

arigato fer de wonderful dinner last nite.. prepared by daddie n imouto.. n thanks xiao mei.. fer acc me go shoppin on mondae.. made ya walked almost de whole orchard wif me.. hahas.. we go agn nex wk kies.. im reallie thankful dat ya dun haf ani sch nw.. cos i dunno wad will i do if ya aint arnd ta take my loneliness awae..

**15hrs more ta PAYDAE~!! weee~!!**

missin ya..

2008-12-14T12:14:00.002+08:00

AHHH~!! im so damn tired sia.. after 3 daes of pm shift followed by am is so damn tirin.. 'sides.. i dint managed ta get a gud slp at all.. all de toopid pts' fault.. *pouts* m i reallie too stressed out?? used ta feel dis wae too.. but its been a long tym since i last felt dis wae.. hope i'll b betta de nex few daes..

dint manage ta go n watch mel's fbodz performance ytd.. DAMN PITY LAHS~!! n damn sad.. but no choice.. cos ppl gotta wrk.. n no1 ta change shift wif me~!! oh wells.. wadeva.. its over nw..

IRRITATIN NM~!! I HATE YA~!! if everiting ya dunno.. den tell ya de probs gt wad use.. cos end up ya ans will oso b "DUNNO".. n thou ya gt ya own wae of doin tings.. but ya gotta respect us too.. if ya cant respect others.. den dun expect others ta respect ya.. so wad even if ya'r NM.. ya jus gotta earn it~!!

ta 'yangz: im missin ya loads.. thou i dun sae.. its hard.. but im still survivin..

bye bie..

2008-12-12T00:12:00.001+08:00

less den 8hrs more.. take care bie.. will miss ya lots.. till ya nex off..

wishin ya all de bez..

2008-12-10T12:10:00.000+08:00

had a fun nite on mondae.. wenta watch "Circus Extravaganza" wif my family.. wainian n 'yangz.. very nice~!! my 1st tym watchin a live circus.. hehes.. *lyk sum1 wif no childhood sia* oh wells.. wadeva.. jus sae wad ya wan.. im a big babie.. so wad.. *blweahs*.. too bad.. im sick.. n cudnt go fer pauline's mum wake.. n daddie even hadta force me eat meds.. *pouts*

but im betta nw.. went out wif 'yangz ytd ta watch "Bolt".. dint catch de 3D version.. was quite a pity.. but i reallie enjoyed de show.. even thou de atmosphere was kinda.. aniwaes.. i haf mailed ya wadeva i wanna sae.. so i wun b saein much here animore.. jus less den 2 more daes.. im startin ta feel wad elsa's feelin.. n its reallie reallie bad.. i hope i'll make it thru.. *i hope*

"dere r tings dat we dun wanna happen.. but hafta accept.. tings we dun wanna noe.. but hafta learn.. n ppl we cant live w/o.. but hafta let go.."

mood swings..

2008-12-06T23:59:00.001+08:00

post nite is ovr.. n im bak in de wd agn.. had quite a bz dae in de wd.. but im glad im jr.. weee.. had a sudden bad flu.. dunno y oso.. but it kinda made everibodi shun frm me.. *pouts* even my pts oso ask "u sick ar?? y nv take mc??" hahas.. i wish.. oh wells.. wadeva lahs.. dese few daes de weather is lyk OMG.. dat xplains my body condition s well..

had a wonderful gatherin wif dose x-tcc colleagues ytd.. lotsa fun plaein 'cahoots'.. chit-chattin abt wrk n all.. had dinner tgt.. den mix arnd wif each other plaein more 'cahoots'.. seriously its lyk damn fun lahs.. thou most of dem miss 'taboo' too.. alil disappointed dat siti n wanru darlin hadta wrk.. n cudnt join us.. but on de whole.. i reallie njoyed it alot.. thanks peeps..

dese few daes my mood swings r startin ta come bak.. n dis reallie affected me alot.. s well s ya.. sumtyms i oso dunno wad i reallie wan.. i did reallie miss ya lots.. but i told ya i dint.. mabbe its cos im afraid.. afraid ta show my weakness infrnt of ya.. im reallie reallie hurt.. n i dunno wad shud i do.. feelin very lost rite nw.. wad m i reallie ta ya??

hw cum de person ya wan ta hear most doesnt msg ya.. but de person ya least xpected msged ya instead?? y is it alwaes liddat?? gt an unxpected msg frm chocolate todae.. was reallie surprised n shocked.. but sumhw.. i made me feel more certain abt my feelings.. which sumhw made me scared too.. it made me realise hw fast feelings can reallie come.. n go..

HATE BIG CRYBABIES~!!

one more nite ta go..

2008-12-03T10:30:00.005+08:00

2 nites gone.. one more ta go.. was prettie peaceful last nite.. guess it was a gud choice ta gif de loraz ta de auntie last nite.. weee.. hehes.. until khatijah n her big mouth.. hadta pack dis auntie at 6am.. but im glad dat its wasnt s bz s i wud haf xpected it ta b.. im prettie luckie afterall ne.. but khatijah.. ya betta kip ya mouth shut tonite.. hahas.. *blweahs*

thou im eatin lesser on dis rnd of nite.. but sumhw.. i feel dat im very blessed.. cos every nite oso gt free food eat.. luckie ne.. hahas.. had fried rice n kway teow frm dr. benjamin on de 1st nite wif marianna's chilled dragonfruit.. marianna brought pandan beancurd ytd.. n tonite she's gonna bring murtabak pizza wif chilled seedless grapes.. im so lookin ferwrd ta it.. *drools*

oh yea.. guess wad.. i saw jojo dis mornin wen i came outta de lift after wrk.. seems lyk she jus finished her nite too.. hehes.. i almost fergt dat she's on perm nite.. miss her so much.. but dint stae ta chat wif her thou.. cos was wif marianna.. n im sorta rushin hm ta slp.. but end up dint slp at all.. (><,*).. aites.. im gonna slp soon.. hees..

dunno y lehs.. althou noe-in dat de more i xpect.. de more disappointed i'll b.. but i cant help but hope ya can spend more tym wif me instead of wrkin.. i noe its ya last daes at tcc.. but.. wad abt me?? *pouts* i cant help but envy ya colleagues.. sumtyms i reallie wonder hw much do i meant ta ya.. but c-in dose gifts at pet society melts my heart.. its reallie nt fair.. *pouts*

::i hate bein a crybabie..::

another rnd of nite..

2008-12-02T02:12:00.004+08:00

my AL's finallie ovr.. n im bak ta wrk.. 1st dae of wrk n im on nite alrdy.. oh wells.. at least it has been prettie peaceful so far.. xcept fer dose callbells.. hahas.. wanted ta slp in de afternoon.. but thx ta my new ichibie.. i cudnt slp at all.. was grumblin all de wae.. but wad ta do.. oh.. btw.. ichibie's de name i gave ta my new ipod classic.. cool huh??

deadline's finallie ovr.. thou ya kinda reply isnt wad i xpected.. but sumhw.. im nt sure either.. wad was i xpectin fer?? lookin at ya facebk.. i sumhw felt alil upset.. i noe i shudnt.. but i jus feel dis wae.. y?? im nt sure either.. wanna ask ya y did ya choose dis endin.. but im afraid ta ask.. gawd.. im feelin so emo ryte nw.. n reason bein.. cos ya dint sae gudnite ta me.. *pouts*

::saya nak manja nyaa::

status: its complicated..

2008-11-30T22:30:00.001+08:00

one wk gone.. n i hafta go bak ta wrk tmr agn.. hmmm.. wun sae if im lookin ferwrd or dreadin.. cos its a mix of both.. afterall wrk is sth dat everi1 doesnt lyk.. but at de same tym.. it oso depends on hu ya kakis r.. startin nite agn.. sumhw.. dis gifs me more tym ta slack.. n im glad dat tmr i gt gud kakis ta acc me on nite.. wif reeja n marianna.. my gossip babe.. hehes..

wenta xpo agn todae wif daddie n mummie.. but dis tym.. unlyk de other tym.. i bought lotsa stuffs.. afterall.. goin out wif parents gt benefits rites?? daddie will pay fer all xpenses.. hehes.. bought a total of 2 pair of shoes.. a swit lookin blouse.. n 2 pairs of 3/4 gym shorts.. n oso nt fergettin my new ipod classic.. lyk finallie.. hehes.. but dat's paid outta my own pocket..

less den 2hrs more till de end of 2dae.. i dunno if im lookin ferward ta it or nt.. cos seriously its a total mix.. on one hand.. i reallie wanna noe wads on ya mind.. but on de other.. im afraid ta noe.. but even after hearin so many advices frm so many ppl.. im still so lost.. mabbe its sth very simple rite frm de start.. its jus dat we look at it in a complex wae..

wadeva it is.. im lookin ferward ta ya ans.. its prettie cruel.. but life's lyk dat uh.. n im alwaes de one hu makes ppl feel dat its my fault.. its alwaes my fault.. *negativitie cant help but set in..* its been quite sum tym since i last felt lyk dis.. but sumhw.. i feel dat im stronger dis tym.. i bliff dat i can overcome wadeva dat comes my wae.. GAMBATTE-NE REEN-CHAN~!!

::jus lurve me fer hu im::

hurt..

2008-11-29T00:29:00.003+08:00

2 more daes till de end of my AL.. dint do much at all durin dis AL.. first 2 daes were spent on nua-in at hm n chiong online games.. went out fer lunch wif my ssa babes on wed.. did alil shoppin arnd vivo.. but dint found aniting suitable.. zoo outin wif su, james n 'yangz ytd.. dinner n clubbin last nite.. den wenta xpo fer de john lil sale n IT fair wif xiao mei n 'yangz todae..

reallie enjoy de tym at de zoo.. its been a long tym since i last wenta de zoo.. makes me feel lyk a lil gurl agn.. hehes.. reallie lurve de tym at 'dbl o' s well.. i noe its messie n all.. but sth abt dat place attracts me.. saw aidil n aziz dere too.. wich dint reallie came s a surprise ta me.. thou it was sorta surprisin at de same tym.. hahas..

2 more daes till ya ans.. i noe both of us haven touched dis topic since dat tym.. but i guess nw its tym fer me ta face de music.. sumhw.. sum tings jus cant b avoided.. ne?? ytd 'dil said sum stuffs dat made my heart melted.. even fer jus a sec.. but it seems so impossible.. such a far-fetched dream.. jus 2 daes left : 48 hrs = 2880 mins = 172800 secs..

2 more wks till ya hafta go in ns.. heard many stuffs frm de guys arnd.. it reallie makes me wonder.. 2 yrs ne.. tokin bout dis reminds me.. todae ya said sum stuffs dat made my heart broke.. even thou it was said on impulse.. but it hurt so bad.. *mabbe it reflected wads on ya mind.. wads in ya heart..*

irritatin menses..

2008-11-25T10:25:00.001+08:00

I REALLIE HATE DIS FEELIN~!!

but sumhw.. im relieved by it..

countdown to AL~!!

2008-11-23T15:15:00.001+08:00

countdown ta my AL..

5..

4..

3..

2..

1..

WEEE~!! im off.. till end nov..

till den.. ciao everibodi~!!

overworked..

2008-11-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

another crybabie incident agn.. sumtyms i reallie wish i can b alil more stronger.. y weneva im mad.. i'll b sure ta cry?? im sorrie if i shouted at anione todae.. was reallie in a damn bad mood.. but at least i noe dat i dint go overboard.. i nv shout.. i jus spoke in a louder voice.. n in a more stern wae.. rite rites?? hees..

but aniwaes.. sorrie ta scare ya babes.. its jus dat sum ppl tink too highly of me.. n im named de "chemo gurl" of de dae.. WOOHOO~!! 3 chemos 2 admissions 1 transfer 1 blood transfusion n 1 pleural tap can reallie kill ya.. no matter hw fast ya r.. i guess i can break record sia.. oh wells.. its all over nw.. I'LL BCUM STRONGER NEX TYM~!! hees..

jus 3 more daes left.. ta me.. its 1 more dae ta b exact.. cos de other 2 daes im wrkin am shift.. n it doesnt bothers me much.. i guess fer me.. its jus de pm shift dat i dun reallie lyk.. but wad ta do.. gt xtra allowance.. even if its jus alil bit.. but its still money rites?? mabbe im reallie overworkin.. i shud jus relac more.. BUT IM VERY LAX ALRDY~!! m i nt??

one more wk left.. wonder hw will tings turn out in de end.. mabbe im tinkin too much agn.. but i jus cant help it.. i guess wad elvee said is true.. i reallie mus learn hw ta lurve myself more too.. n im startin ta do dat.. but bein de princess dat im.. i guess it doesnt hurt if others lurve me too.. rites?? -grins-

"A temporary setback with regard to your career might have you feeling a bit disoriented right now, TAURUSGAL. Modern equipment of some kind might be involved. Don't make yourself crazy - this is only temporary, and will be straightened out. Your own determination, efficiency and practical abilities should have it taken care of in no time. Basically, you're probably feeling quite optimistic for the future, and not likely to change that energy any time soon."

esp fer de babes..

2008-11-14T02:00:00.001+08:00

jus came bak frm a niteout wif my sistaz frm nr0511.. its reallie been such a long long tym since our last outin in apr.. thou de oldest n de youngest dint manage ta come.. but we still enjoyed ourselves alot.. gossip.. gossip.. n more gossip.. i guess dats wad gurls r all abt ne?? hees.. so while waitin fer car ta send me all de photos we took todae.. shall jus update alil more first..

reallie had a bad dae at wrk todae.. dint eat aniting at all fer de whole dae.. was runnin up n dwn doin all de last min stuffs.. created by de drs.. wadeva.. jus lotsa thanks ta de babes.. bein arnd dem can reallie make me forget all my probs.. cos dey'r so crazie all de tym.. hahas.. but dis is gud.. cos it can oso makes me forget even de most worst daes at wrk.. TANZ BABES~!!

met at CityHall MRT.. was de laz ta arrive.. but i was de onli one hu had wrk.. so i shud b xcused.. hahas.. had dinner @ MS Pizzahut.. den walked over ta de Esplanade.. listened ta dis musical thing.. but i tink i fell aslp.. car woke me up.. hahas.. den headed over ta Singapore Flyers.. walked bak ta CityHall MRT after dat.. den home swit home.. lyk finallie.. hees..

aites.. n finallie.. de photos r readie.. here goes..

*shot1; taken in de females' toilet.. de usual lahs.. nth betta ta do.. hehes.. [de 4 of us]

*shot2; taken @ esplanade.. wif dis very 'artistic' ting behind us made out of hula-hoops..

*shot3; taken outside esplanade.. JUMP!! (wif su)

*shot4; JUMP AGN~!! taken wif car dis tym.. hees..

*shot5; saw dis very cute lil tree.. so su n i decided ta check it out.. interesting..

*shot6; taken @ e flyers.. while restin our poor lil legs.. hees.. [de 4 of us agn]

oh yea.. n before i forget.. de pledge created by car.. in our 1st yr..

"We, the jiemeis of 0511

Pledged ourselves as one united gossipers

Regardness of craziness

Lameness or blurness

To build an everlasting friendship

Based on truthfulness and thoughtfulness

So as to achieve happiness

Craziness and lameness for ourselves"

bad dae at wrk..

2008-11-12T23:21:00.002+08:00

sumtyms i reallie dunno.. y mus ppl all wait fer ya ta act on sth?? y do dey jus lurve ta throw everiting ta ya?? y cant dey do demselves?? if i nv "big mouth" n ask dem.. den tmr will b a disaster lahs.. is dat so?? sumtyms i jus hate dem.. alwaes draggin n draggin all de stuffs.. waitin fer sum1 ta do fer dem..

i reallie dun wanna gif up.. but alot of ppl is askin me ta let go n move on.. mabbe dis place reallie isnt rite fer me.. but.. i jus dun wanna gif up lyk dat.. i dun wanna admit dat i cant take it.. i reallie wanna prove ta dem.. i wanna show dem dat i can make it.. or mabbe.. i shud reallie let go.. wad shud i do.. hais..

::lookin forward ta mit de gurls tmr::

post nite..

2008-11-11T04:40:00.001+08:00

lyk finallie.. my 3 nites ended peacefullie.. in a wae.. at least dere wasnt much damages.. xcept fer dose very confused pts.. lyk OMG~!! hees.. oh wells.. wadeva.. its all over nw..

jus a sudden tot came ta me todae.. btwn faith n reality.. which wud ya choose?? wad if sumting ya knew wud happen.. but de others kip hopin fer sth else ta happen.. hw do ya tewl dem?? it has been such a hard tym convincin myself abt dis faith.. n nw.. i reallie dunno hw.. i reallie wanna bliff in it.. but.. its nt so simple.. i dunno hw..

sumtyms i still feel insecure.. im tryin my bez ta curb dis feelin.. but sumhw.. i jus.. i dunno.. is it jus me?? so much ta tewl ya.. but.. i dunno hw..

i nid a timeout.. BADLY.. i wanna rum awae frm all dose probs.. pretend its nt dere.. im reallie tryin my bez.. but its nt enuff.. WHY?? i nid sum1 hu's willing ta listen ta my crap.. i nid sum1 ta acc me go out.. clubbin shoppin chillax datin.. wadeva.. jus sum1 ta acc me.. sum1 ta stae by my side.. but its nt dat ez either.. i dun even noe wad i wan animore..

quiz: wad is ya romance style..

2008-11-10T02:20:00.000+08:00

Quiz: Wad is ya romance style??

Lloyd Dobbler-esque
You’re a stand-up person. Like Lloyd Dobbler in Say Anything, you are sweet, loyal, and honest. You feel lucky in love and you adore the person you’re with, and you don’t like to take risks or play head games. You are sentimental, sensitive, and romantic. What you see is what you get. You idealize your mate, and make your partner the center of your world. You may be an underachiever in life, but you’re an overachiever in love. Everything (and everyone) else takes a backseat to the romance in your life. Be careful to pick a mate who is worthy of your devotion, or you could wind up broken-hearted.

de diff btween guys n gurls..

2008-11-09T03:59:00.000+08:00

sumtyms i reallie dun understand.. but i guess its meant ta b dat wae..

2nd nite.. 1 more ta go..

2008-11-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

SUM1 LOST HIS HP~!! BAKA~!! n nw im worried sick.. hmphs.. i shall nt care.. since sum1 doesnt care s well.. im nw on my 2nd nite.. todae's much betta den ytd.. guess its cos we'r sorta used ta it.. makes things easier.. but its onli 1am n im so bored alrdy.. hw ta survive sia.. oh wells.. jus wish me luck fer a smooth nite kies..

went hm dis mornin.. n i sumhw bcame a street navigator.. so many ppl asked me fer directions sia.. oh wells.. was in a gud mood.. so i told all of dem de directions ta go.. gud gurl rites?? hehes.. den saw many kawaii kids runnin arnd.. sumtyms i reallie envy dem.. no worries.. so innocent.. dunno he cruel can de real world b lyk..

oh yea.. dint go fer de nutrition talk todae.. hehes.. was alrdy plannin nt ta go.. 'sides.. dis mornin wen i reached hm.. had diarrhea lyk nobodi's biz.. damn uncomfortable sia.. but sumhw betta after i wen ta slp.. woke up arnd 4pm ta find mummie n xiao mei aslp.. "ZHU sia".. hahas.. but both r so alyk ne.. wish i was lyk dem too..

had porridge wif side dishes fer dinner tonite.. cooked by mummie.. reallie missed her porridge.. thou its very simple lahs.. but i lyk.. brought sum ta wrk ta eat oso.. kinda realised dat dis is de 1st tym i brought hm cooked food ta wrk.. hope nex tym can bring more often.. but dat will oso mean dat i cant b lazie liaos.. hees..

"dance lyk nobodi's lookin.. wrk lyk ya dunnid de money.. lurve lyk ya'v nv been hurt before.."

caught inbetween..

2008-11-08T04:00:00.002+08:00

1st nite went well afterall.. hehes.. guess its cos im wrkin wif a bunch of power females.. wahahas.. its 4am nw.. n im bored ta death.. nt reallie lahs.. sum of dese callbells reallie can kill.. cos its fer all de simple reasons.. i guess its either dat dey'r confused or dey'r jus bored.. wan ppl ta entertain dem.. urghs.. (><,*)

but nw.. im facin another dilemma.. whether ta go.. or nt ta go.. fer dis nutrition fer cancer pts talk todae at goodwood park hotel.. its frm 1pm ta 4.30pm.. reallie wanna go.. but at de same tym.. kinda worried i wun get enuff slp.. hw?? i noe lotsa ppl tell me slp more impt.. n its ok nt ta go.. but i feel kinda.. oh wells.. c hw lata ne..

weee.. daddie's comin hm in after 16hrs or so.. but i'll hafta wait till another 28hrs or so till i can c him.. cant wait cant wait.. but i noe im gonna get scoldin liaos.. cos i haven reallie been a gud daughter.. dint do wad he xpected of me.. i tink de whole wk im nt even hm fer more den 48hrs.. im so gonna b grilled wen he's bak.. oh wells.. s long s he's safe n sound.. (><,*)

oh.. n one more ting.. i finallie finished readin de bk "my story" by dave peltzer.. its a compilation of 3 bks.. "a child called 'it'".. "a lost boy".. and "a man called dave".. 3 very touchin stories.. recommended by my lil sis.. oh wells.. she into child abuse bks.. hees.. but it taught me alot.. reallie makes me wonder.. wad kinda parent will i b in future.. hmmm..

lovely nite..

2008-11-07T13:25:00.004+08:00

had a gud dae at wrk ytd.. was jr of reeja.. hehes.. n wrkin wif all dose hu i can click wif.. hahas.. spend most of de tym slackin thou.. but its a gud kinda slack.. cos i finished all my wrk alrdy ma.. hees.. wenta housemen canteen wif amelia.. had a gud chat on de wae thou.. n met eileen.. heard dem gossip.. hees.. i noe.. FEMALES~!! hahas..

aniwaes.. me n geetha did sth dat we shudnt do.. hahas.. but.. hu cares.. lols.. aniwaes.. had a fun tym wif geetha n marianna runnin awae frm geri-onco rnd.. (><,*) hees.. sumtyms i jus lurve wrkin.. but sumtyms i jus dread wrkin.. i guess its oso de ppl ya wrkin wif ba.. on nite tonite wif jac n thenmoli.. hope it will wrk out.. hees..

had ta hurrie hm cos wanted ta gif 'yangz a surprise.. but ended up makin him worried.. gomen-ne.. hees.. but i reallie had a lovely nite last tym.. spent de evenin at manhattan fish market.. sat at de alfresco area.. so it was overlookin de entire clarke quay.. prettie gud view.. wif nice food.. n esp gud company.. hees.. thanks 'yangz..

爱的方向找不到

我在你的心中还剩多少

我的眼泪不重要

只要你记得回来就好

外面世界吵又闹

你要小心照顾自己好

没有我牵手和拥抱

请你千万保重

好不好

lotsa tots..

2008-11-05T17:50:00.005+08:00

astrology fer todae:

Intellectual or spiritual concepts that you're trying to grasp may seem a little elusive, TAURUSGAL. Don't try to push yourself too hard to understand them today; you'll only confuse yourself that much more. You're not losing it; your mental biorhythms are simply low. Instead, look at something else for a while, and let the information churn around in your unconscious. It may hit you tomorrow, so you'll want to cry, "Eureka!" Be patient with yourself.

quote frm weihao:

Empty heart only stores empty souls.
Finding love to burn in the eternal flame,
And for one to make it last is the challenge.
From times it wicker by the lonely breeze,
Yet not yield to temptations and keep it lit.
Burn into our heart and leave a scar,
For it to only remind us that it's painful to make it last.

quote frm lola:

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go...

dunno y.. so many tots on my mind todae.. but im betta nw.. thanks ta dose hu care.. (^^,*)

beloved makcik..

2008-11-05T02:05:00.000+08:00

i noe i shud b in bed by nw.. but i jus cant slp.. so many tings happened todae.. i tot i cud b strong.. but i jus cudnt cntrl all dose fallin tears.. dis is de 1st tym.. wenta makcik's place ta visit her one last tym.. made my promise ta ya.. at de same tym.. i hope ya heard my request frm ya.. i noe ya did.. im so gonna miss ya so much..

arigato 'yangz.. fer acc me dwn.. n so last min sum more.. i noe ya had a tirin dae too.. still hafta acc me.. reallie thanks so much.. i reallie appreciated it alot.. hope ya haf enuff slp.. n oso thanks ta de stranger.. fer de tissue.. thou i was kinda shocked.. cos dis is my 1st tym.. but im reallie grateful.. n touched.. thanks ta juliah.. pls b strong.. lurve ya..

my first fall rms..

2008-11-03T12:25:00.000+08:00

had a first tym xperience ytd.. my first fall.. had ta put up RMS.. but it was done by mylene.. cos she's de TL.. but it wasnt reallie my fault.. even thou i still feel damn guiltie lahs.. hais.. but im glad my auntie's ok nw.. my heart reallie dropped ta de bottom wen i saw her on de grnd.. OMG~!! (><,*)

saw dis watch while shoppin wif my family ytd.. gt reallie attracted ta it.. n thou de price dint matter.. i wasnt reallie sure if i wanna get dat.. cos i was afraid dat i mite c a betta one.. reallie lyk dat watch thou.. dunno lehs.. i reallie wan n nid a watch badly.. but.. wen will i b able ta find one dat suits me da most?? (o.O*)

daddie's on de wae ta de airport nw.. n in an hr's tym.. he's offta bangkok.. will b bak on sat evenin.. wich means i'll onli b able ta c him on sun mornin.. bein de eldest.. most of de responsibilities fall on me.. hafta take care of mummie n xiao mei.. n oso mus try ta spend more tym at hm.. reallie dun wanna disappoint daddie.. hafta gambatte ne.. (@.@*)

was chattin wif chocolate on msn jus nw.. had a hard tym decidin whether ta make de first move.. but im glad i did.. cos den i noe dat im reallie over it.. im reallie happie ta c ya doin fine.. its ya final yr alrdy.. do ya bez n jiayous in de upcomin races.. look frward ta cya sumdae.. till den.. take care.. (^^,*)

my cheena name..

2008-11-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

jus de other dae.. ismail asked wad my chinese name meant.. i said it meant "strong on de outside.. n soft on de inside.." n ask if it suits me?? he saes dat im confident enuff n noe my wae to get my stuffs done.. but if im vulnerable.. n easily satisfied.. dat means im soft on de inside too..

todae.. went ta de halloween tour rnd nite safari wif 'yangz.. was damn afraid.. even thou i dint noe wad m i afraid of.. but i reallie did try.. dats y i wanted ta go on dis tour.. but sumhw.. i let my fears overtake me.. i made ya disappointed agn..

sumtyms i reallie wanna b stronger.. im tryin my bez.. reallie.. cant ya c.. i try nt ta rely on ya s much s before.. but sumtyms.. i reallie do feel tired.. i oso wan sum1 i can lean on.. n i hope ya r de one..

drop dead..

2008-10-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

tired.. wen will dis cycle evea end?? everidae is such a bz dae.. recently i started ta hate wrk.. sumtyms i jus wanna run awae frm everiting.. but i noe its nt rite ta avoid.. even thou hw much i hate it.. but i reallie dun wanna hate my job.. dis is my passion afterall.. wad shud i do?? i hope its jus a short term ting.. i nid a breakthru.. s wad ppl alwaes sae.. "work hard.. but plae harder.."

lookin forward ta dis fri.. till den.. i jus gotta hang on.. all de bez ta me.. ::sumtyms::

first tym overslpt..

2008-10-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

i guess dere's a first tym fer everiting.. n todae's my first tym bein overslpt.. hahas.. even thou todae was damn bz.. but everiting went prettie smoothly afterall.. at least i noe i felt kinda at ease.. weird huh.. but i guess its cos of de PH.. n everione's njoyin.. so de nurses get ta relax alil too.. n fer me.. i relax ta much huh.. hees..

met up wif liyan after wrk.. sumhw.. tings werent s bad s xpected.. tink i saw her before.. cos she looked damn familiar.. oh wells.. at least nw i noe another fren.. another 'myoho' sistaz.. hees.. but dis comes wif great responsibility.. n nw.. im a big jiejie liaos.. of cos mus take care of de lil meimeis arnd me.. hope i'll b a gud jiejie thou..

watchin "pocahontas" nw.. my 3rd fav disney movie.. hehes.. wanna make a guess wads de first?? tewl ya nex tym.. till den.. ciaos..

deployed agn..

2008-10-25T17:25:00.003+08:00

sumtyms i feel so disappointed.. n so unappreciated.. i mean.. dese r their family rite?? y cant dey jus help out?? y mus dey leave everiting fer us.. do dey seriously tink dat we'r their maids?? wad de hell lahs.. oh wells.. typical singaporeans huh..

givin up..

2008-10-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

sumtyms i jus wanna gif everiting up.. mabbe im jus nt cut out fer it..

::emo-ing::

another tired dae..

2008-10-23T18:23:00.002+08:00

end up dint go fer de chalet agn.. wanted ta mit up wif liyan fer dinner.. but she last min oso gt sth on.. so im hm fer dinner.. had another rnd of bz dae todae.. budden tanz ta sum totful relatives.. i gt free lunch.. n it was damn yummie too.. went fer Dr. Ng's tok after wrk.. before goin dwn fer de geri-onco rnd.. felt so ps.. had ta speak up infront of so many ppl.. cos de case study was my pt.. oh wells.. im glad its over.. n im damn tired..

reallie wanna go clubbin tonite.. but dere's dis fear inside me.. i oso dunno y.. fear dat im de onli chinese?? or mabbe fear dat im de onli odd one out?? i reallie dunno.. but i guess im gonna skip dis rnd.. nex tym ba.. i doubt daddie wud let me go out aniwaes.. but I REALLIE WANNA GO CLUBBIN~!! sum1 pls ask me out?? i noe sum1 did.. but i kept draggin.. so sorrie.. i promise i'll go clubbin wif ya soon.. hees..

jus happened ta read sum of my fren's blogs.. had so many tots runnin in my mind rite nw.. i guess im much luckier as compared ta many.. but weneva i read jojo's blog.. it reminds me so much of myself.. even thou we'r in diff situations n such.. but she alwaes manages ta sae wad i wanna sae.. i guess mabbe i jus dun haf de courage ta sae dose dat she said.. cos im nt dat strong.. but im tryin my very bez.. s of nw..

busie busie..

2008-10-22T23:00:00.001+08:00

bz dae todae.. feelin so guiltie.. wad haf i done.. hais.. ta dayah.. tanz fer bein in dis wif me.. im so sorrie.. todae's so crappie.. hope tmr will b a betta dae..

wanna go ta da chalet tmr.. budden.. hais.. so messed up.. responsibility or plae comes first??

happie 21st bdae sayang..

2008-10-21T18:21:00.004+08:00

aites.. n im finallie bak.. tink i managed ta go wif de flow.. thou dere were quite afew cork-ups.. but it all turned out well in de end.. decided ta stick ta my own plan afterall.. well.. lets c.. woke up arnd 8.30am ytd ta go ta NTUC ta get sum stuffs.. wanted ta bake a cake fer him.. hahas.. but it dint turn out as xpected.. wells.. wad do ya xpect?? its my 1st tym.. i'll work on it thou.. hees.. went bak ta slp.. cos i was lyk so damn tired.. n woke up arnd 3pm..

headed out ta watch "Butterfly Lovers" wif him.. romantic.. but sum parts were reallie funnie.. i cried thou.. its alil lyk romeo n juliet.. de chinese version.. alil emo-in agn.. hees.. walked ta de Singapore Flyers after dat.. which took arnd 1hr.. cos i dint xpect it ta b DAT far.. oh wells.. another lesson learnt.. hees.. guess i tot ahead of ya agn uh.. oh wells.. ya can bring me ta sumwher else nex tym.. hees..

wanted ta eat at Mdm Lin's.. but it was closed.. so we ate at Popeye's.. nt bad lahs.. but i dint reallie had much appetite.. ate Gelatissimo's ice-cream thou.. n it was yummie.. n finallie.. de Singapore Flyers.. shared de cabin wif another couple.. hehes.. but it was a quiet ride.. jus lookin at de scenery n stuffs.. took de train hm.. n i gave him my nt-so-burnt part of de cake.. wahahas.. s well s de prezzie.. hope ya lyk it..

washed up.. had a gud nite's rez.. before i went out agn dis mornin.. woke up arnd 6.30am ta prep de sandwiches.. met him at CCK before we went ta take de bus ta Hay Dairies Goat Farm.. had quite an experience.. watchin dem milk de goats.. n oso watchin de goats laze arnd.. n dey arent ppl shy.. lyk wow~!! dey even came close ta de gates wen we walked past dem.. waited fer de Kranji Xpress ta bring us arnd..

n our next stop.. de Jurong Frog Farm.. at first it was kinda scarie.. cos dere were so damn many frogs.. den wen dey'r nt movin.. ya feel as thou dey'r lyk sum statue or sth.. i oso saw hw dey swam.. nw i noe y dey call it de froggie style.. hees.. waited almost an hr fer de shuttle bus ta come bak.. went ta dis Fireflies Health Farm.. hahas.. i tot it was sum farm which has fireflies.. but no.. its sorta lyk an organic farm.. another lesson learnt..

wanted ta go ta de other farms too.. but i was too tired.. n de intervals fer de shuttle bus was lyk so damn long.. so we decided ta go bak afterall.. sorries fer nt uploadin ani pics.. wanted ta.. but im too lazie.. hehes.. paise.. i had a very fun dae thou.. n a very enjoyable xperience.. wonder wad he tinks.. hmmm.. aniwaes.. sayang.. hope ya enjoyed both daes.. n ya lyk de prezzie too.. arigato fer spendin ya 21st wif me.. HAPPIE 21st BDAE SAYANG~!!

goin crazie..

2008-10-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

AHHH~!! im goin crazie jus tinkin abt it.. y cant i jus make up my mind on wad ta do.. alrdy plan ok liaos rites?? den y do i kip hesitatin?? y do i kip wantin de bez?? arghs.. irritatin~!! y did dat simple phrase affected me so much?? wad shud i do nw?? my head's poundin lyk nobodi's biz.. URGHS~!!

tym out wif my sistaz..

2008-10-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

todae was damn funnie larhs.. called de wd arnd 4am ta sae dat im takin mc.. but i said fer fever n flu.. den went off ta slp.. woke up arnd 6.30am.. wanted ta go c doc.. but none of de clinics opened yet.. went bak ta slp w/o realisin dat i forgt ta set alarm.. woke up arnd 9am.. n gt rdy ta go out.. but guess wad.. had diarrhoea.. aniwaes.. i headed over ta limbang ta de clinic.. de doc dint sae much.. jus sae im weak lorhs.. hafta avoid oily food.. stuffs containin coconut n oso milk.. n gave me my mc.. n i went off fer my mtg..

reached syc arnd 11.55am.. 5mins ta my mtg ends.. hahas.. n guess wad.. my "big aunt" came.. such an inconvenient timing.. luckily i came prepared.. hehes.. very long nv c de babes frm nypsd liaos.. reallie miss dem alot.. but feel kinda awkward at de same tym.. dunno wad ta sae.. weilin n wanglee said i looked kinda pale.. n ask me ta rez more.. had a fun tym at mtg even thou its jus 5mins.. had a long chat wif kiyoko on de wae hm thou.. reallie gt me tinkin at another perspective.. reallie hope ta mit up wif ya soon..

came hm ta slp awhile more.. before i went off ta mit carmen n winnie ta go fer fiona's bdae party.. shopped abit fer her last min prezzie thou.. hees.. aniwaes.. had a great tym chattin wif de gurls.. sumtyms i jus reallie lurve dem ta de max.. cos no matter hw long we nv mit up.. de distance between us doesnt change.. dey gave me lotsa advices as well.. n i'll reallie tink abt it.. zaf came alil later thou.. wif her sis.. had a great tym catchin up wif her too.. plannin fer a class gatherin on 22dec.. hope most of dem can make it.. *prays hard

another dae gone.. n im still s lost s before.. everione haf diff perspective.. but wads mine?? wher's my standpoint?? cant wait ta go out wif all dose babes.. no matter its my sistaz.. de crazie bunch of babes in de wd.. or my darlings.. n dayah.. dun forget ya promise ta me kies.. i jus wanna forget all my probs.. n jus b myself.. *but i cant..*

a bet wif de devil..

2008-10-18T00:18:00.001+08:00

hahas.. baka reen-chan is askin fer advices on hw ta fake an mc.. prettie interestin advices ppl r givin.. mabbe i shud write a bk or sth.. anione else wif more creative waes of fakin an mc?? lols.. hais.. i reallie reallie wanna take mc tmr.. budden daddie abit angrie.. cos he sae if no sick den y fake it.. but.. hais.. i dunno lahs.. tmr's an impt occasion fer me.. n i dun wanna miss it.. its my grad.. i wanna go so badly.. 'sides.. its been so long since i last met de others.. *pouts

aniwaes.. had a long chat wif de devil last nite.. n i almost made a bet wif him.. thou we dint made it in de end.. but he took my advice.. my suggestion.. n im reallie glad.. cos.. its reallie nt ez.. de devil shud noe wad im tokin abt.. dun ya?? im sorrie fer bein so bias at tyms.. but thanks ta ya.. i oso start ta understand alil more abt guys.. among all de consolations i received so far.. urs wrk on me de bez.. mabbe cos it puts me in a neutral position i guess..

shucks.. im lyk damn nervous nw lahs.. tinkin of wad ta sae wen i call de wd.. wad ta sae wen i c de doc.. OMG~!! i suck totallie man.. or mabbe i shud jus used my own method.. make myself real sick n jus go c de doc.. at least im reallie sick.. dun hafta lie ta anione.. ARGHS~!! im so stressed out nw.. but thanks everione fer ya contributions.. i will seriously consider it.. *growls* my tummie's searchin fer food.. hmmm.. shud i??

chattin wif dayah.. vic.. kent.. n andy nw.. hehes.. so cool.. but im typin faster den dem.. n im makin dem tink fer me.. hehes.. nottie reen-chan.. oh wells.. cant help it.. its lyk my 1st mc in my whole life.. dayah sae im too guai liaos.. lyk real.. act guai nia.. hahas.. shhh.. but im reallie happie.. cos i feel reallie treasured by dese ppl.. esp dayah.. reallie lurve ya lots babe.. tink if dis ting doesnt wrk out.. i can go join jojo's club liaos.. hees.. (><,*)

**I NID SUM1 TA ACC ME C DOC TMR~!!

blinded..

2008-10-16T23:46:00.008+08:00

while sittin at tcc n waitin fer ya ta end wrk todae.. i realised lotsa stuffs dat i overlooked in de past.. or mabbe it jus nv occured ta me before.. c-in ya wrkin so hard.. makin yaself so tired.. it reallie broke my heart.. reallie wonder y i nv noticed it in de past.. m i DAT blind?? or its jus mabbe cos nw dat im standin at another position makes me look at tings in de bigger picture.. n clearer too..

todae su slipped out sth by accident.. n i guessed correctly.. cant bliff dat i guessed correctly on my 1st attempt.. guess its jus my luck lahs.. hahas.. but reallie happie.. cos nw car oso gt sum1 ta lurve liaos.. so envy ne.. everi1 arnd me has their other half liaos.. s fer me nw.. i oso dun dare xpect much liaos.. jus take it dae by dae.. step by step ba..

kowaii.. watashi-wa honto honto kowaii.. wad if..

nt ta tink ta much..

2008-10-16T20:16:00.000+08:00

hahas.. dese few daes.. i tink de phrase i heard de most is "nt ta tink ta much".. i oso noe i shudnt.. but dis is hu i m rites?? nth much ta write todae actuallie.. i guess im still sortin out my own tots ba.. hees.. so much is on my mind rite nw.. but wad xactly?? i reallie dunno.. lyk wad mummie n daddie alwaes sae.. my head's full of rubbish.. hehes.. (><,*)

nth much happened at work todae.. tings wen prettie smoothly even thou we gt 2 ppl mc.. oh wells.. jus gotta get use ta it rites?? hees.. but i was kinda rushin fer tym.. cos i had a lecture on "Total Pain".. n i was de TL.. tings were so last min i guess.. kip feelin s thou i cudnt leave de ward.. but luckily i gt geetha n mylene ta help me.. reallie thanks alot.. alwaes help me out wen im in a pinch.. hees.. but everiting ended well.. even thou i kinda dosed off durin some parts of de lecture.. *blush*

oh yea.. jus gt my flu jab todae.. hurts lyk hell.. but im tryin my bez nt ta care abt it.. dunno y lehs.. wen i ask geetha n sum of my other colleagues.. dey can jab others.. but cant take de jab.. hehes.. me too.. guess we'r all sadists ehs.. wahahas.. (><,*) oh.. n de gossip's still on todae.. hahas.. thou it gets alil borin after ya hear it quite afew tyms.. but its still de topic of de dae.. (^^,*)

eto.. dis sudden tot jus came ta me a few daes bak.. but i kip forgettin ta post it up.. i guess wad lurve means ta me is.. even thou no matter hw many ppl ya saw dat dae.. or hw many ppl ya chat wif dat dae.. at de end of de dae.. de one hu ya tink of before ya slp is de one ya lurve.. hmmm.. true?? i guess ta a certain xtend bahs.. mabbe wen all one can focus is oneself.. we tend ta forget abt de rez.. dats y wen one is in a r/s.. it is bound ta b more selfish.. true?? wakaranai.. but dis is my logic lahs.. hahas.. but my ears r open ta new suggestions.. so mabbe ppl out dere can gimme sum advices?? hees.. thanks in advance den.. (^^,*)

i jus lurve my job..

2008-10-15T22:45:00.001+08:00

tadaima.. wanted ta go slp cos tmr workin am.. budden.. i jus gt so many things ta blog todae.. in de past.. i had an outlet.. but nw.. i cant kip replyin on him liaos.. so i turn ta my dearest blog.. thou it may nt b very "hush-hush" liaos.. but i'll quarantine dose dat nid ta b said n dose dat shudnt.. hees.. dat wae it'll benefit all of us.. (^^,*)

so many tots were on my mind s i was on de wae ta work.. was listenin ta my mp3.. n my emos were fluctuatin so bad.. but sumhw.. i came ta realise alot of stuffs.. i guess bein in a r/s made me too focused on ya liaos.. dat's y i became ta lose myself.. n kip relyin on ya.. n todae.. i realised dat i'v been procrastinatin lotsa stuffs too.. i shudnt drag dem ani longer.. i wanna do all dose dat i can while im still young.. i wanna find myself agn.. my true self.. but dat doesnt mean dat i hafta lose ya rites?? aites.. de decision's up ta ya afterall.. but i guess.. sumtyms.. ya gotta lose sth before ya noe hw ta reallie treasure it.. guess i grown up quite alot ehs.. hees.. *blush*

went bak ta work wif a heavy heart.. cos i was stil alil emo-in.. n dint noe wad ta xpect.. cos i havent been bak since last sat.. n guess wad.. dere was a massive discharge todae.. a total of 9 discharges plus an empty bed.. was so afraid dat i'll b bz lyk mad doin admission.. to my surprise.. it kinda turned out prettie well.. thou we dint manage ta fill up all da beds.. but it was quite a feat alrdy.. since we'r workin wif onli 5 staffs todae.. tanks everibodie fer ya hardwork.. -grins-

aniwaes.. dere was dis huge case of a mistaken identity.. n it is nw de lastest topic fer laughters among all de nurses in my stn.. aites.. i noe.. we'r all very gossipy.. hehes.. but its reallie very funnie.. too bad i cant mention it inside here.. or i'll b sued my ass off.. hees.. ask me if ya interested ba.. -grins- all in all.. todae was a great dae ta start of me bein bak ta da wd.. n im reallie reallie grateful fer havin my crazie bunch of colleagues n oso nt forgettin de cute but (some) irritatin bunch of customers (aka de patients n de relatives).. i jus lurve my job~!!

oh.. did i mention dat im gonna haf an increment startin dis mth.. weee.. cant wait till payslip dae.. wich is lyk in another 8 daes.. cant wait.. but i gotta cry first.. cos im so gonna take dat flu jab tmr.. heard dat it hurts lyk shyt.. hope i can tahan.. i mus tahan.. its jus a small jab rites?? mabbe im jus kiddin myself.. (><,*)

**KIV MC ON SAT~!!*

countdown: 45daes..

2008-10-15T10:15:00.003+08:00

another dae gone.. n i spent it on nth.. xcept restin.. lyk wad mummie told me ta do.. hafta go bak work todae le.. being off fer so long.. sumhw im alil afraid.. thou i noe i can adapt ta situations very fast.. but sumhw.. im jus afraid.. but i noe dat dis is another outlet fer me.. to relieve my tots frm all dats happenin rite nw.. thou even fer alil while.. mabbe i shud get a part tym job.. work myself till i dunno hu i am.. dats wads hw i manage ta let go of nicholas.. but nw.. hw?? wad other waes left fer me dis tym?? daddie mummie sure wun let me go search for animore jobs.. nt wen dey'r readin dis rite nw.. rites?? hees.. i promise i wun la.. okies??

i noe alot of ppl r worried abt me.. daddie mummie xiaomei.. even dey dun sae.. andy suyi hizam..n mabbe even ya.. thou it feels s if i dunno wad ya tinkin.. but i noe u wan de bez fer me.. thanks fer bein dere.. but dis is my battle.. i gotta go thru dis sumhw.. i nid ta grow up.. so dun worrie fer me.. cos rite here rite nw.. im reallie happie.. reallie.. even jus a teeny weeny bit.. it'll let me forget all my unhappiness n fears.. arigato minna..

even thou i noe i mite hafta gif up in n let go in de end.. but a part of me hopes fer a miracle ta happen.. even hw small de possibility is.. cos i reallie dunno hw ta let go.. but i'll if i reallie hafta.. fer ya happiness.. n de freedom ya alwaes wanted..

"mental tiredness is reallie even worse den physical tiredness.." but i jus cant help it..

**countdown: 45daes..

i will wait fer ya..

2008-10-14T14:00:00.003+08:00

ya asked me ta go n searched fer dis lyrics.. i did.. but y?? it isnt de same s wad ya sae?? aniwaes.. dis is wad i found.. many thanks to suann.. n oso.. lyrics here..

TAK BISAKAH

Hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu
Selalu slalu dalam hatiku
Kumelangkah sejauh apapun itu
Selalu kau didalam hatiku

My heart is unsteady, but keeps on thinking about you
Always, always in my heart
No matter how far I may go
It is always you in my heart

Ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu
Berharap temukan sisa hatimu
Mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
Mengerti kau didalam hatiku

I am walking, spinning the time
Wishing to find the rest of your heart
Please understand, I want you that way
Understand that you are in my heart

Tak Bisakah kau menungguku
Hingga nanti tetap menunggu
Tak Bisakah kau menuntunku
Menemani dalam hidupku

Can’t you please wait for me?
Until then, keep on waiting for me?
Can’t you please guide me?
Stay beside me throughout this life?

Ku berjalan-berjalan memutar waktu
Berharap temukan sisa hatimu
Mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
Mengerti kau didalam hatiku

(translated as above)

Dara kau menjadi hidupku
Kemana Kau tau isi hatiku
Tunggu sejenak aku disitu
Jalanku jalan menemukanmu

Girl, you become my life
Wherever, you know what’s inside my heart
Please wait awhile for me over there
My path is the path that leads to you

Tak Bisakah kau menungguku
Hingga nanti tetap menunggu
Tak Bisakah kau menuntunku
Menemani dalam hidupku

(translated as above)

countdown: 46daes..

2008-10-14T02:00:00.000+08:00

ureshii ne.. even thou de road ahead is tough.. but at least i gt alil more tym.. i noe i shud let ya go.. but im sorrie.. i cant.. i reallie tried.. pls gimme summore tym.. pls let a miracle happen..

**countdown: 46daes..

numbed..

2008-10-13T15:00:00.001+08:00

after so many failed r/s.. i tot i wud b stronger.. i tot i wud b able ta face dis one wif alil more confidence in myself.. but i cant.. i dunno wen lurve start knockin on my door.. but by de tym i noe it.. i fell so deeply.. dat i nt onli hurt myself.. but de one i lurve.. nw.. ya cant take it animore.. cos i'v been givin so much lurve.. in a wae dat it harms ya.. i dunno wad i shud do.. but lettin go.. i reallie dun wan.. wad shud i do?? can ya tewl me?? wad do ya wan me ta do??

spent de whole nite waitin n searchin fer ya.. gave myself alil more hope.. n den felt disappointed agn.. every single sec is filled wif so much hope n disappointment.. wonderin wen will i break dwn.. wonderin wen will ya b comin.. even i noe ya wun.. but i still hope dat ya were worried.. even if it was my wishful tinkin agn.. hw pathetic.. even i cant stand myself.. hw cud ya.. "haf ya ever lurved me before??"

i reallie dunno hw much longer can i last.. till i finallie brkdwn..

all messed up..

2008-10-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

im all messed up rite nw.. dunno wher i belong.. dunno wher i stand..

"im lost!! can sum1 pls guide me.. wher shud i go nw?? wad shud i do??"

cry baby..

2008-10-09T09:00:00.002+08:00

swollen blood-shot eyes.. is de after effect of lies n broken promises..

2nd rnd of nite..

2008-10-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

hehes.. was so emo de last few daes.. but its all betta nw.. i hope.. sumtyms i jus dunno hw ta cntrl.. but i'll try.. ta car: sorrie fer makin ya worried.. its okies nw.. i'll update ya more wen i cya.. hopefullie soon.. hees.. ta sayangz: gomen-ne.. i've been so much trouble ta ya ne.. sorrie fer bein such a big babie.. but i cant help it.. ima big babie ta start wif.. -grins-

wen fer dis 5Cs trainin crse wif zhaoyuan ytd.. was 'quite' fun lahs.. but in a lame wae.. oh wells.. had lotsa fun wif zhaoyuan thou.. sayang came ta fetch me before we wenta mit up wif su n james fer dinner.. n as usual.. de 2 were 'bickerin' all de wae.. but in a swit n lovin wae thou.. it was quite fun n entertainin.. alil envy too.. but.. diff couples haf diff wae of showin their affections ne..

but i reallie had a fun tym.. n its been so long since i last saw su.. reallie miss her loads.. s well s de rez of my jiemeis.. hope ta c dem soon.. we reallie nid ta get out more often.. hmmm.. aniwaes.. had a long chat wif sayangz ytd nite.. opened up alot ta him.. n stae out till prettie late.. til we kena spot checked oso.. hahas.. my 1st tym.. kinda scarie.. but fun.. hees..

aniwaes.. im bak on nite agn.. prettie fast ehs.. but dis tym is wif anu n siti fer my 1st 2 nites.. n wif reeja n theni on my last nite.. i hope dis combi works.. but so far so gud.. hope it'll last thru all 3 nites.. cant wait till my slpin dae thou.. thou its nt reallie fer slpin.. but im reallie lookin forward ta it.. jiayous reen-chan.. hees.. sayangz' aslp nw.. oyasumie.. swit dreams.. *mwwwwuuackies

jus sum of my tots..

2008-10-04T20:00:00.002+08:00

so much on my mind.. so many tings ta sae.. yet i dunno where ta start.. i guess i'll nv learn.. cos im da kind hu takes ppl fer granted.. till i lose sum1.. dis happened so many tyms.. so many tyms.. till i cant rmb animore.. yet it's still happenin continuously.. wen will i eva learn hw ta treasure sum1?? wen will i b able ta get rid of my insecurity?? wen will i eva learn hw ta lurve??

mabbe i shud let ya go.. afterall.. my world's too complicated fer ya.. n i shudnt haf let ya in.. ya too innocent.. i shud've stopped it frm happenin rite frm da start.. y did i hafta gif in?? y did i let ya lurve me?? but it doesnt matter nw.. afterall.. no matter wad i sae.. i guess i hafta face da consequences.. fer my wilfulness.. fer my childishness..

i guess dat's gudbye ne.. n last but nt least.. thanks fer everiting.. de least i can do nw is ta treasure all my memories wif ya.. arigato.. "i hope i'll alwaes b ya baby.."

lurvesick gurl..

2008-09-23T18:30:00.002+08:00

Your horoscope for September 23, 2008

You have been suffering from the distance between your partner and yourself. Indeed, he is often away and you would rather have him beside you. Today's celestial configuration will enable you to think about this situation. This aspect of your life is stressful and could cause tension. You really should talk to your partner about this situation.

i reallie dunno y.. hais.. alrdy noe dat it'll turn out dis wae.. yet im jus lettin myself sink further into it.. i shud've more trust in ya.. but i dint.. n it hurts me so much ta c dose stuffs i shudnt haf seen.. makes me feel even worse.. y?? i reallie wanna noe.. it hurts so bad dat its killin me.. i cant pretend dat nth had happened.. sillie lil lurve-sick gurl..

on a briter note.. im gonna start my 1st nite on thurs wif keat tee n hui ling.. wonder hw will it turn out.. oh wells.. i'll jus hafta take wadeva dat comes my wae i guess.. was so busy transferin pts here n dere todae.. left my whole rm so empty.. cos dey wanna cohort all de MRSA pts to de last rm.. gud choice.. lesser pts too.. hees..

**WARNING: hands off my property.. i'll bite..**

awww.. so swit..can i b ur princess??

2008-09-20T22:00:00.003+08:00

very long nv go out fer a date liaos.. ytd wen out wif sayang.. hehes.. made him so bz on his dae off.. feelin so guiltie.. hees.. cos he gotta go fer his fri prayers.. den get da movie tixs fer gud seats.. waited fer me ta end work.. sent me hm n waited fer me ta get rdy.. n we'r finallie out fer our date.. hehes..

took bus ta plaza sing.. n had thai xpress fer dinner.. had ta wait so long lorhs.. cos de queue was so long.. fri evenin lehs.. hehes.. but we had a nice dinner thou.. n even had a seat wif nice view.. lucky us.. headed over the cathay ta watch our movie.. "MAMMA MIA".. damn nice lorhs.. one of my fav shows eva..

watched da stageplay at esplanade a few yrs bak wif my family.. n nw watchin it in theatres.. brings bak memories ne.. hehes.. but watchin wif sayang meant so much ta me.. all in all.. i had a reallie nice evenin wif sayang.. even thou we ended up takin da last train n even missed our stop cos both of us fell aslp.. hehes..

aniwaes.. was jus readin a fanfic.. n i saw dis phrase wich i reallie lurve alot.. n its.. "don't u let my precious tears drop off frm my favourite eyes..".. awww.. so swit rites?? but i dun tink sayang will eva sae dat ta me thou.. even wen i such a crybaby.. oh wells.. but another phrase i lurve most is "can i b ur princess??".. hmmm.. sayang.. can i??

ahhh!!!! cant wait.. cant wait till da nex sun.. sayang's bringin me out agn.. weee.. cant wait till den.. but i jus gotta ne.. i'll gambatte.. ya too.. till den..

patience onli comes wif de luxury of havin xtra tym..

2008-09-18T18:30:00.001+08:00

todae was one of my worse shifts eva.. everiting.. rite frm de start till de end.. i dunno y.. but de rm's so heavy.. everi single one of dem is so manja.. makes me feel so suffocated.. esp both de aunties slpin side by side.. i reallie reallie dunno y.. hais.. i mean.. im reallie reallie tryin my bez ta b tolerant n all.. but its very hard.. wif all de dramas dat wudnt stop.. i jus hope dey transfer her asap.. or mabbe i shud jus listen ta jessica n pretend dat its nt happenin..

n another ting.. i reallie dunno y.. so wad if ya more senior den me?? i noe i shud respect ya n all.. but dere's a place n tym fer everiting.. ya cant xpect me ta stand by ya wen i gt 101 tings dat r left undone.. i wanna respect ya.. but sumtyms i jus find it so hard.. da onli gud ting dat turned out is dat i haf mylene as my i/v nurse n geetha as my junior.. thanks so much fer todae.. n i learnt sumting new.. dat is.. patience onli comes with de luxury of havin xtra tym..

felt so drained out physicallie n emotionallie wen i reached hm.. wen i happened ta c da email sayang sent.. de title's 'juz b yaself'.. its abt bein contented wif hu ya r n all.. i noe.. but sumtyms.. ya juz hafta b alil "plastic".. lyk wad mylene alwaes sae.. jus ta make others happie.. n i read elsa's blog.. looks lyk im nt da onli one facin probs.. da same probs.. im oso tinkin of my transfer out.. i told myself 1yr.. but seems lyk its nt gonna take even a yr..

weee.. lurve sayang.. bad dae @ work..

2008-09-08T00:00:00.001+08:00

another dae gone.. another bad dae gone.. leavin me wif feelins of tiredness.. n an unknown sense of loss.. suddenly.. i dunno if dis is de rite path fer me.. dunno if i can handle all dese.. dunno wad m i gettin myself into.. messin arnd wif ppl's life lyk dat.. wad's rite?? n wad's wrong?? i realli wonder wad's gonna happen tmr.. will it create a big issue?? i cant bear ta watch wad mysteries gonna unfold tmr.. de onli lucky ting fer me.. is dat im nt gonna b dere tmr.. thou curiousity alwaes kills a cat.. oh wells.. aites.. wads de past is de past.. i shudnt dwell in it too much.. jus treat it as another learnin xperience i guess.. thou its nt gonna b a gud one.. but.. oh wells..

on a briter note.. wen ta val's 21st bdae party last.. wif sayangz as my partner.. n de theme was retro.. prettie cool.. but its.. kinda weird i guess.. hahas.. cos its a mix of all her family, frens n colleagues.. so.. i guess.. hahas.. but i still lurve goin ta parties.. n i saw many frens dere too.. brings bak gud old memories ne.. n i even had a romantic walk in de rain wif sayangz.. hehes.. cos it was rainin as we were leavin.. dint get wet thou.. hehes.. arigatto sayangz.. n yups.. if ya wonderin.. wassup wif us.. we'r bak tgt agn.. hees.. mylene mama complained dat she's gonna haf competitor agn.. n racquel mama's happie dat we'r bak in each others arms.. hahas.. n im da happie me agn..

guess dat's all fer nw.. gotta sort out my tots n feelins.. read my romance novel.. den swit tok wif sayangz.. till den.. ciaos..

aftermaths of hols..

2008-09-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

went bak ta work after a long hols of 10daes.. so many things changed.. so many students.. all on attachie.. brings bak memories.. but i tink de students will onli benefit if ya a junior.. n im a junior todae.. tl's anu.. my last choice.. but.. oh wells.. gotta learn hw ta get along wif her.. cos i'll b goin fer my 1st official nite wif her in 2wks tym.. hope everyting goes well..

jus realised dat i dint do much at all todae.. dunno wad i bz fer oso.. sendin n fetchin pts frm all sortas procedures.. n dere's dis damn big shot guy hu was admitted as well.. oh wells.. ya noe la.. its all de same.. oh oh.. n i saw stef sun too.. its kinda more of a coincidence thou.. i heard sum guy shoutin "dere's step sun".. but she doesnt look lyk her.. n i dunno y.. hees..

anu wanted ta stop by o&g ta c da preggie piggie.. cos she was admitted.. den she made me n mylene walk past de "haunted" place.. cos its faster dat wae.. but its damn scarie lahs.. n i screamed.. cos i heard sum weird sounds.. n anu called me a babie.. its so damn nt funnie lahs.. dis is my first tym bein so freaked out.. even nw wen i tink bak abt it.. in still scared..

i told mylene abt us todae.. she was kinda shocked.. but kinda xpected it.. she said dat if it wasnt lyk dat.. den it isnt lurve.. but i dun understand.. i reallie dun.. dere's so much i wanna sae.. but its all so personal.. n i hafta suck it all up n kip inside me.. jus wonderin wen will i jus breakdwn n cry.. or mabbe i alrdy did.. i feel lyk im a fool.. dunno wad im waitin fer..

sumtyms i jus craved fer lurve so much dat it hurts.. i jus wanna b lurved.. is dis wrong??

wad ta post..

2008-08-31T20:00:00.001+08:00

hmmm.. been wonderin.. wad shud i post in dis entry.. wanted ta review de food i ate at Mad Jack Cafe ytd.. but i oso wanted ta do a personal entry jus fer my baby scrumpie.. hees.. n end up.. i dint do both.. y?? hmmm.. wakaranai.. too lazy i guess.. hehes.. n sides.. i gt quite alot ta sae.. as usual.. da naggie reen-chan.. dat's y.. if i post de pics up.. den its gonna b so so sooo long..

1st ting first.. lez tok abt Mad Jack Cafe.. ya can check out www.madjackcafe.com ta c wad its all abt.. eto.. its actuallie aussie food.. nt too bad.. but as compared to Botak Jones.. i guess its alil more exp.. n both is nt reallie my cup of tea.. so i'll rate both 3/5.. its a place more fer hangouts amg de youngsters thou.. n its halal.. so if ani of ya hu wanna go try.. feel free ta go.. aites?? n do lemme noe wad ya tink afterwards..

2nd ting.. another dae more till de end of my off.. n i hafta b bak in de ward.. a part of me worries.. n its nt onli cos im afraid i'll b lost.. but oso bcos dere's gonna b a big change in de ward.. haemato's gonna take over de 8 'a' class rms.. n 'a' stn will b combined wif 'central' as startin frm tmr.. so wen im bak in de ward on tues.. omg.. i reallie cant imagine sia.. but jus as well.. i wun b c-ing de preggie piggie alrdy.. cos she's no more dere.. weee..

3rd ting.. tmr im goin fer my BTT.. kinda worrie cos i dint study at all.. jus read thru.. but i reallie dunno wad i shud study.. cos its all road signs.. n its a mcq tez.. which makes me feel kinda relax.. too relaxed i tink.. hehes.. oh wells.. dis is sth dat cant b helped rites?? *blweahs* but i reallie hope tmr's tez can make it.. n afterwards.. im lookin forward ta goin ta eat da muslim food opp gombak stn.. weee.. cant wait..

4th ting.. had nth betta ta do todae.. so i sorta surfed arnd facebk.. saw lotsa old frens acc.. n lotsa photos.. sum of dem reallie brings bak memories.. both gud n bad.. but more happie memories thou.. jus alil pity dat i wasnt so much of a camwhore wen i was in sec sch.. thus i dun haf much photos fer memories.. but.. oh wells.. i sure did haf lotsa fun reminiscin de past thou.. n its reallie reallie very treasured..

personalitie tez..

2008-08-30T16:00:00.005+08:00

had nth betta ta do.. so borin.. so i jus went ta did dis personality tez thingy.. hehes.. de tez were prettie cute n all.. spent da whole afternoon doin all sorta diff personality tez.. n dese r my fav 4.. do check out if ya free.. its prettie interestin.. n ya'll nv noe wad ya may find out dere.. -grins-

aniwaes.. im currently hooked on "my date with vampire".. thou its totallie in canto.. n dere r no subs.. but it'll hafta do.. afterall.. i tink it'll help me wif my canto.. hehes.. brings bak lotsa memories ne.. i rmb watchin da final ep wif all my cuzzies at one of da xmas celebrated at my place.. hees..

weee.. im goin ta dis cafe fer dinner lata wif my family.. its call "mad jack cafe".. sth prettie similar ta "botak jones" i guess.. oh wells.. will review da food lata in my blog if i haf da tym lata.. ciaos.. till den.. im off ta continue watchin my drama.. weee.. vampires~!! cool..

ya a strawberrie margarita..

2008-08-30T15:30:00.004+08:00

You Are A Strawberry Margarita

You're so sweet it's a little overwhelming, and people are a little afraid of corrupting you...
It's a little difficult to imagine you with a margarita.

And you're truly a different person after you've kicked back a couple!

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

de pj ya most lyk: his shirt..

2008-08-30T15:00:00.007+08:00

The PJ You Are Most Like: His Shirt

You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her man
So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7
And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

What Kind of PJ's Girl Are You?

ya slpin position..

2008-08-30T14:30:00.003+08:00

Your Slping Position

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Cranky and a big baby

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You are a light sleeper

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

ya lurve profile

2008-08-30T14:00:00.007+08:00

Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.

You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.

Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak.

Your negative traits:

Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.

If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...

You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset.

Your ideal partner:

Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.

Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.

A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart.

Your dating style:

Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant.

Your seduction style:

Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.

Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.

Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time.

Tips for the future:

Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.

Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.

Lighten up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions.

Best color to attract mate: Pale blue

Best day for a date: Friday

What's Your Love Profile?

tots durin da hols..

2008-08-29T18:00:00.003+08:00

lotsa stuffs came to my mind while i was alone in de resort rm.. was kinda lonely dere.. n i reallie wished fer ya ta come bak n gif me a surprise.. but i guess im onli askin fer de sky.. i guess dat was de bez decision ya eva made.. nt ta return.. cos if ya return.. i'll jus kip gettin my hopes higher.. but i was reallie reallie very lonely last nite..

cried wen otousan called.. cried wen ya called.. im sorrie.. i lied agn.. lied ta ya saein dat im havin flu agn.. i dun wanna let ya noe dat im cryin agn.. dat im a crybaby.. it makes me feel so weak.. n i guess dats y i hate loneliness so much.. but im thankful.. cos i still haf my baby scrumpie.. arigato baby..

wonderin y i was so insistent on plannin fer da future.. afterall.. wads in de present is more impt.. rites?? wonder y 2 ppl wif feelins fer each other gotta b separated?? i tot we shudnt gif up since lurve is hard ta find?? mabbe its my lost ta haf let ya go in de first place.. but im tryin ta make up fer it.. aint i?? is dis lyk wad dey sae.. "once ya lurve is gone.. its gone.."

p.s. thanks fer ya company.. i reallie appreciate alot.. thou i feel lyk im a third party.. arigato..

baka baka baka.. baka reen-chan.. y did i let de same ting happen ta me twice?? i knew dat was gonna happen frm da start rites?? i knew wad i was gettin into rites?? den y?? y did i let myself fall agn?? y?? but sumhw.. dis tym.. it feels kinda diff.. mabbe cos ya diff frm him.. n lyk wad ya said.. ya diff frm him.. i shud stop comparin ya n him..

SUM1 DATE ME PLS.. feels so despo.. i reallie wanna go out.. go watch movies.. go njoy a gud meal.. its been so so sooo long.. i cant even rmb wen was my last tym i'v been ta da movies.. had a relaxin n proper meal.. i'm yearnin fer sum1.. ani1.. pls.. jus date me out..

bak frm sentosa..

2008-08-29T10:00:00.005+08:00

tadaima.. hehes.. bak frm hols at sentosa.. tired.. n im achin all over.. dint reallie haf a gud nite rez.. but.. oh wells.. it was fun thou.. n i had a free ride bak ta vivo frm a very cute pakcik.. he was tewlin me all abt his life.. n he calls his wife "missus".. kireii ne.. but its so rare nwadaes.. terima kasih pakcik.. hees..

dae1: went fer da ride at Cine4D Magix.. Cineblast.. n saw de kireii nitesky frm de top of da Tiger Sky Tower..

dae2: went ta watch da kawaii pink dolphins at da Pink Dolphin Lagoon.. n headed over ta da Underwater World ta c more kawaii sea creatures..

aites.. shant sae too much.. let da pics do da tokin.. taken frm underwater world.. njoy~~

**sHoT1; dis is a pair of crabs matin.. cute ne.. hehes..

**sHoT2; n dis is da polka-dot stingray.. kaijuu's fren.. wee.. -grins-

**sHoT3; dis is de well known sea angel.. it lives in a temp of 2degrees.. cool..

**sHoT4; dese r a bunch of sharks.. thou im nt very sure wad r dey fightin fer.. hmmm..

**sHoT5; dis prettie creature here is de dugong.. da "mermaid"..

**sHoT6; kireii ne.. da jellyfish.. so prettie..

**sHoT7; de sea-dragon.. my kind of creature ne.. looks lyk a seaweed thou.. hees..

**sHoT8; n dis is drawn by sum sec sch kid.. fer global warmin.. kawaii ne.. hees..

lettin go..

2008-08-27T05:00:00.001+08:00

mabbe i shud gif up.. mabbe i shud let ya go.. if ya decide ta move on.. i'll respect ya decision..

ta andy: tanz fer ya listenin ear n advices.. sorrie ta kip ya up all nite.. im so happie ta haf a sista lyk ya.. oops.. its 'daddie'.. n a beri naggie one.. hehes..

esp fer ya..

2008-08-25T09:30:00.002+08:00

heys.. hw'r ya doin?? its been 3 daes ehs.. dere's so many tings i wanna sae.. bt wads da point of saein wen ya gone.. i reallie dunno.. wanna msg ya.. but im afraid.. im afraid if ya haf alrdy forgotten abt me.. afterall.. guys move on faster.. rites?? at da same tym.. i reallie hate myself.. fer makin da first move.. y is it alwaes me?? makes me feel so weak.. n such a desperado..

durin da hols.. i told kaijuu abt us.. kaijuu saes ta heal my old wounds before i move on.. coincidently.. ytd nite.. i had a dream abt him.. it was a dream abt him askin me hw m i n stuff.. askin me ta move on.. sumtyms i tink i can.. but sumtyms.. i still tink of da past.. does it means dat i still cant forget him??

mabbe all dese while.. im been livin in my own world.. n nw.. i dunno if im livin in da past.. or da present.. i reallie wanna move on.. i wanna start afresh wif ya.. treatin ya as ya.. n nt as him.. but i dunno if i'll eva haf dis chance.. afterall.. our r/s is damn complex rites frm da start.. n i shudnt pull ya bak into da hole after ya climbed out.. rites?? wad shud i do??

our 6mths anni is gone.. along wif da chalet.. sumhw.. i reallie cant bring myself ta cancel da chalet.. mabbe im da onli one celebratin dis tym ehs.. i reallie nid ta get awae frm everione soon.. i reallie nid sum tym fer myself.. ta b left alone fer once..

**jus lemme disappear**

::dis is so gonna b my worst AL eva::

malacca hols..

2008-08-24T23:30:00.004+08:00

gomen-ne.. fer writin such an emo post da moment i reach hm.. but i dunno another outlet fer me ta show my childishness.. aniwaes.. updates frm my malacca hols.. dis rnd.. went wif my mum's side grandma, big aunt uncle n myra, fourth aunt n uncle.. my family n scrumpie.. prettie small grp actuallie.. but it was still quite fun..

dae 1: met up wif da rez at my grand's place.. first stop.. yongpeng.. wher we had our breakfast.. next stop.. bayview hotel in malacca.. myra n kaijuu stayed in da hotel.. while de adults n i went ta da chinatown dere.. damn messie.. but de traditional chendol dere is.. mmmm.. yummie.. went bak ta da hotel ta fetch da kaijuu n myra fer dinner.. before we headed ta another shoppin mall.. but as it was prettie late.. n most of da shops were closin.. we cud onli shopped fer an hr.. ended our dae by sharin a rm wif kaijuu n myra..

dae 2: da adults n i went fer our breakfast in de hotel.. leavin da kaijuu n myra as dey were still slpin.. shopped arnd da area we were stayin awhile before we went bak ta wake da slpyheads.. checked out arnd 12.. n after a long decision.. we headed bak ta da same shoppin mall ta shop sum more.. but dis tym.. its w/o da guys.. n grandma went ta fer her massage agn.. met up arnd 3pm before we headed bak ta jb fer our dinner.. n nw.. im hm swit hm..

bought a total of 4 tees.. 2 bracelets.. 2 anklets.. n a slipper.. bought sth fer ya too.. i reallie dunno wad made me buy it.. but i jus bought it w/o tinkin.. stupid huh.. wonder if i'll get ta pass it ta ya.. n i dunno if ya'll accept it.. but.. wakaranai.. c hw it goes i guess.. hais..

but gud tings will alwaes come wif da bad.. n dese r wad happened ta me durin da trip..

no 1: my hp cam crashed.. n nw i cant take photos animore.. damn..

no 2: im still sick.. since da trip.. till nw.. bad bad flu..

no 3: been emo-in non-stop.. emos fluctuatin lyk nobody's biz..

disappointed once agn..

2008-08-24T22:30:00.001+08:00

tadaima.. jus reached sg.. n im on da net alrdy.. partly cos i kinda lookin forward ta c if i received ani emails frm ya.. but at da same tym.. watashi-wa kowaii.. i reallie dunno wad ta xpect.. dis short holidae made me reallie tot abt lotsa stuffs.. n it oso made my emos ran wild.. im still lost.. im afraid.. im reallie scared ya'll b lyk him.. wad shud i do..

seems lyk im onli buildin castles in de air.. cos im disappointed once agn.. mabbe i shudnt hope fer aniting more.. i dunno.. wen i was in m'sia.. i kip hopin fer sth ta happen.. lyk da vibs frm a sms.. or wen im bak.. dere's an email waitin fer me.. but i guess im wrong.. mabbe ya alrdy long forgotten abt my xistence.. so wad m i waitin fer??

**maureen.. jus stop it.. stop livin in ur own world.. wake up..**

separation eh..

2008-08-22T23:45:00.001+08:00

so many things happened todae.. both happie.. n sad..

happie cos todae's my last dae if work before my off.. n my assignment fer da dae is.. junior of da BMT rooms.. n my TL is mylene.. hehes.. onli 2 rms occupied.. so im slackin.. hehes.. da onli big ting i had ta do is ta acc one of my pts ta MRI scan.. cos is DIL/MWM.. n i had christine ta acc me as well.. had quite sum tym tgt.. afterall.. i wun b c-in her in dis ward animore.. kinda sad.. but dis is wad makes it so treasurable..

n sad cos.. i jus had a big fight wif sayang.. i wudnt reallie call it a big fight.. its jus dat dere'r too many misunderstandins recently.. n i guess both of us arnt mature enuff ta handle tings.. he sorta called da whole ting off.. i guess im bak ta bein single agn huh.. frankly speakin.. i was reallie lost jus nw.. but after all de breakups i've been thru.. de aftereffect of it is jus numbness.. i guess dat's y im afraid of openin up.. ta him.. or ta anione.. but dis is sth he'll nv noe.. n it doesnt matter animore.. guess i gotta cancel da chalet alrdy.. oh wells..

no matter wad.. thanks fer da daes we've been tgt.. im sorrie its alwaes me hu's givin ya so much probs.. but frm nw on.. ya free ta go aniwher ya wanna go.. all da bez..

**a part of me still hopes dat dis is jus a bad dream.. but i noe i gotta face reality soon.. i jus hope its lyk wad dey alwaes sae.. tym will heal all wounds..**

one more dae ta my AL..

2008-08-21T19:10:00.003+08:00

one more dae ta go.. till my long awaited/ afraid AL.. long awaited cos.. ya noe.. its been so long since i last had a proper long off.. frm work.. ever since i started work in apr.. so i tink i deserved de break.. afraid cos.. im kinda worried dat i mite nt b able ta catch up wen im bak in da ward.. hmmm.. dunno lehs.. but christine saes dat i shudnt worrie.. cos at first she was kinda worried too.. but nw dat she's bak frm her AL.. she felt more refreshed n organised.. so i shudnt worrie.. rites?? aniwaes.. im kinda sad.. cos i'll onli b bak in de ward on 2sept.. but christine's last dae is 1sept.. wun b able ta c her.. i'll miss her loads.. hehes.. but im still lookin forward ta my AL..

rites nw.. im tinkin of changin my phone.. was reallie lookin forward ta w980.. but it wasnt quite i xpected.. alil disappointed n feelin kena cheated.. but.. oh wells.. im lucky i haven bought it yet.. so im still searchin.. ani nice phones ta recommend?? im currently considerin iphone.. motorazr v9.. samsung sgh-f200.. n sony ericsson w980.. dese r my top 4 choices.. hmmm.. cant wait ta change my phone.. its been so long.. hahas.. considerin ta get an ipod classic too.. weee.. but im so gonna get nagged agn.. abt wastin money n stuffs.. oh wells.. we'll c hw i guess.. till nex tym.. ciaos~

wher is my love??

2008-08-18T00:00:00.003+08:00

sayang.. no matter wad our future may b.. lets gambatte ne.. n spend everi single dae tgt ta da fullest.. lookin forward ta our chalet tgt on our 6mths anni..

::im wishin fer a miracle ta happen::

death..

2008-08-14T21:25:00.003+08:00

dis mornin wen i jus wen into da ward.. i heard sum bad news frm da nite shift.. its abt a death.. sumhw.. nursin so many patients.. i nv once tot dat death cud b so near us.. so near me.. althou it wasnt my relative hu passed awae.. but it felt so weird.. cos it happened rite in our ward.. seriously.. i dun tink i can eva imagine nursin my relatives.. dun even tok abt my loved ones..

aniwaes.. wen down ta my colleague's place ta visit her after work.. dis was my first tym goin ta a wake.. let alone a indian wake.. feels very breathless dere.. cos it was very solemn.. n kinda stuffy.. i dunno wad shud i do.. felt so lost dere.. but im lucky dat i haf close colleagues dere.. with mylene, geetha n thenmoli.. hehes.. had a great tym wif de gurls todae..

ta sayang: thanks so much fer todae.. n nt onli todae.. everidae.. fer alwaes standin by me.. n listenin ta my probs.. i tot alot todae.. very long nv go fer mitin liaos.. nv do my mornin prayers.. wanna gif myself sum tym ta rez.. den i'll start workin hard agn.. n da same goes fer my yoga.. so im takin a break.. till da last wk of aug.. till den.. i tink i reallie nid dis break..

a dae of mitin old frens..

2008-08-13T18:58:00.002+08:00

dunno y.. feels as if todae is a dae of mitin old frens.. hahas.. feels very weird.. too much of a coincidence i guess.. wells.. lets c.. hu i met todae..

*1: met hoyin at da cafeteria durin break..

*2: met yongchin in da ward jus as i was abt ta leave..

*3: met yenlee at outram mrt..

*4: met ismail at outram mrt too..

thou i onli met 4 ppl todae.. but it meant alot ta me.. cos dese ppl r nt dat ez ta mit.. n it has been quite awhile since i last saw dem.. so im very happie nw.. hehes.. feels very treasured dat dey still rmb me.. (^^,*)

another ting i wanna sae in dis post is.. sumtyms i dunno if im fit ta b a big sis.. cos im alwaes protected by my lil imouto.. feels as if she's da onee-chan here.. n todae.. i suddenly feel dat she bcum so much more mature den i tot she is.. mabbe she's growin w/o my knowin.. growin up so fast dat it scares me.. cos im afraid she'll nt confide in me animore.. n leave me behind.. hmmm.. i wonder..

start of olympics..

2008-08-08T23:46:00.005+08:00

todae's 08.08.08.. da start of olympics.. da long awaited olympics.. eto.. sumhw.. i felt kinda.. wakaranai.. hees.. aniwaes.. was very very happie todae.. thou my dae started kinda bad.. n my shift work started out on a bad start as well.. but its all a happie endin afterall.. hehes.. im glad dat bitch isnt workin todae.. took mc.. mus b a fake one.. noe-in dat bitch.. its surely is.. but she backstabbed me agn.. irritatin big-ass bitch.. oh wells.. i'll learn n grow.. n jus one more mth.. she'll b gone before i noe it..

but very very happie.. todae worked wif dayah.. hehes.. i alwaes lurve workin wif her.. oh.. i saw geetha.. she's on nite.. was kinda whinin wen i saw her.. den she ask y i cried ytd.. was kinda shocked hw she knew abt it.. but i reallie can feel her concern fer me.. jus lyk mylene.. all of dem r lyk my big sistas.. whom i reallie treasure alot.. jus wonderin.. wad if one dae.. i reallie decide ta transfer out.. i'll reallie miss dem loads.. till den.. i'll gambatte n nt let dem down.. hehes.. gonna watch "shugo chara" nw.. matta-ne..

stupid bitch..

2008-08-07T20:42:00.002+08:00

was reallie reallie in a gud mood dis mornin.. sayang gave me mornin call.. workin wif da peeps im comfortable wif n all.. n veni even saein gudbye ta me.. which was kinda shockin.. but i dun understand hw did it change so much in jus 1/2 a dae?? my ah ma's condition deteriorated w/o my noe-in.. so much dat it scares me so much.. hw can so much jus happen in jus one nite?? n SHE still dare ta complain.. saein dat its my fault.. i reallie dun understand.. reallie dun.. hw can dere b ppl lyk HER.. sumtyms i reallie hate workin wif HER.. reallie hate it so much dat i find HER so hard ta face.. dat i wanna puke my bile out.. i nv dislyk sum one so much.. n dis is da first..

on second tots.. is it reallie my fault?? mabbe i shud haf consulted dose hu haf more seniority.. which i dint.. i admit its my negligence on my part too.. but i jus feel so angrie.. SHE cud haf found out earlier.. if SHE did her work.. lazy bitch.. jus bcos SHE's preggie doesnt mean dat SHE can jus sit dere da whole dae n order ppl arnd.. i jus despise HER so much.. so wad if SHE's older den me?? so wad if SHE has more xperience.. SHE dun deserve my respect at all.. damn angrie.. mylene told me nt ta care abt her.. im tryin my bez.. but i cant help but wonder hw's my ah ma doin.. i reallie hope its jus lyk wad i said.. its jus a low peak tym.. which she can survive it.. i reallie hope so..

sumhw.. was reallie hopin ta c sayang todae.. was reallie hopin i can c him.. but dat baka.. go fer wad trainin on his dae off.. end so late.. make my mood plunge down ta da bottom.. i reallie hate him.. but i hate myself even more fer relyin on him so much.. i wanna b stronger.. but hw?? i reallie dread goin ta work tmr.. wad will happen?? i reallie dunno.. hais.. till tmr i guess..

cant wait till my AL..

2008-08-06T19:14:00.004+08:00

2 more wks till my AL.. reallie cant wait.. but till den.. i still gotta work lyk shyt.. sumhw.. i feel closer ta sum of da staffs nw.. gt closer ta quite afew.. reallie enjoy workin wif dem.. cos dey'll alwaes noe wad ya wan.. n ya can reallie work tgt as a team.. makes work easier n faster.. but as fer sum others.. i cant sae da same.. sumtyms i jus dread ta work wif ppl i cant get along wif.. but i cant choose hu i wanna work wif.. rites?? hais.. politics politics.. so many no matter wher i go..

on a briter note.. i recently received lotsa gud feedbacks frm my pts.. n 2 of dem even gave me tidbits as thank you gifts.. reallie felt very appreciated.. hehes.. i'll gambatte ne.. n oso.. da gatherin wif GWC TCC was prettie cool as well.. thou i felt weird.. but it was still a nice kinda feelin.. reallie miss dem so much.. cant wait ta mit up wif my sec sch frens durin my AL.. its gonna b an "all nite-long party".. WOOHOO~!! hehes.. wonder hw's it gonna b lyk.. lookin forward ta it..

happie nurses dae..

2008-08-01T19:00:00.003+08:00

HAPPIE NURSES' DAE~!! a BIG thank you ta all da nurses out dere on dis very special dae.. which includes me as well.. hehes.. was very very happie todae.. cos althou sumtyms i feel very very drained out.. or very very unappreciated.. but todae.. i find dat its all worth it.. n dere r alot of tyms wen i tot of givin up.. but todae.. i feel dat all de nurses r in de same boat.. we'r all in de same boat.. thanks fer ya hard work everybody.. i noe its nt ez.. but let's jiayou tgt ba.. (^^,*)

another 2 more daes till my off.. alil lookin forward to it thou.. cos i'll b mitin up wif de GWC TCC crew fer dinner.. reallie hope sayang will b able ta make it thou.. *prays hard*.. aniwaes.. daddie's bdae jus past 2 daes bak.. was alil upset i cudnt get mornin dat dae.. but i understand.. cos its our ward mtg.. n dey wan da seniors ta attend.. its oso a post-JCI celebration in da ward.. everyone worked hard durin JCI ne.. let's move forward tgt ba.. till next tym.. ciaos..

bad experiences.. good experiences..

2008-07-28T00:19:00.006+08:00

had a very bad week at work.. wudnt sae bad bad.. but sumhw.. it gt me ta tink alot agn.. abt whether m i reallie suited fer dis job or ntz.. i guess sumtyms its kinda reallie veri hard.. dependin on hu i work wif n all.. dependin on da workload.. everidae's so diff.. yet similar n routine in sum waes.. n my emotions r a roller-coaster ride by itself.. thou i told myself i'll gif myself tym ta adapt.. agn n agn.. but sumtyms i jus dun tink i can take it ani more.. wad shud i do??

on da other hand.. sumhw.. goin out wif ppl makes me feel as if im hadnt worked fer ages.. cos wen im out.. i feel so free.. feels as if dere's 2 personalities in me.. m i weird or wad?? aniwaes.. went out wif my family todae.. earlie celebration of daddie's bdae.. had dis opportunity ta take a family photo.. hehes.. alil disappointin cos da album was nt within our budget.. oh wells.. it was a great xperience thou.. had korean bbq fer dinner.. erms.. coincidence?? i tink so.. hahas.. but korean is reallie nt my cup of tea.. (><,*)

n here r da pics we took todae.. enjoy.. WEEE~~

*pHoTo1* dis is in our casual wear.. my one n onli treasured family.. prettie cool ehs.. hehes.. (^^,*)

*pHoTo2* n dis is in our "formal" attire.. wher da whole family has ta wear da same theme.. awww.. so kawaii ne.. *seein stars alrdy* hehes..

**sumtyms i jus hate myself fer bein such a spoilt princess.. n a big crybaby..**

2nd round of nite..

2008-07-23T00:02:00.004+08:00

2nd dae of my 2nd rnd of nite.. hmmm.. prettie weird grpin i guess.. or mabbe im da onli odd one out.. wonder hw will my 2nd nite turn out.. sumtyms i jus feel so lazy ta do aniting lahs.. (><,*).. jus hope my nites go smoothly.. prweetie plwease..

todae reen-chan's super duper klutz.. feelin damn guiltie nw.. but.. since i promised sum1 dat it'll b da secret between both of us.. i can onli complain in my blog.. but cant sae wads da probs.. oh wells.. da bottom line is "reen-chan's a supa dupa klutz!!"

shinji watashi desu..

2008-07-19T00:02:00.005+08:00

jus a random tot on my wae ta work dis afternoon.. "wen will it b my turn.. ta break down?? hw long more can i last till i break down.. totallie??" sumtyms i jus feel as if i cant go on animore.. as if my body's totallie drained out.. no more energy left.. but still i carry on.. still i dun wanna gif up.. nt yet.. i dun wanna gif up yet.. but sumtyms.. i jus feel dat i shudnt lie ta myself animore.. dat i shud jus gif up..

n wad happens?? jus wen i told myself ta hang on.. jus ta hang on till my next off.. i saw my batch gurl broke down.. she was oso hangin on.. jus lyk me.. till she cant take it animore.. n jus broke down while we were gonna start work.. n she wad admitted ta a&e.. den.. da same tot came ta me agn.. "wen will it b my turn?? hw long more can i last??" i reallie dunno.. shud i hang on?? or.. jus gif up??

alot of tings jus came ta my mind.. lyk y i chose nursin?? wad is my motivation fer stayin in nursin?? nursin was my first choice after my 'o's.. it was den wen i was filled wif so much passion fer nursin.. n after so many attachments.. n so many doubts.. i'll still find my passion fer nursin.. but nw.. i reallie dunno.. btween career n passion.. i reallie dunno hw ta choose.. can sumone tewl me hw??

shugo chara.. do ya bliff in it?? watashi wa shinji desu.. thou i noe it may nt b real.. but i reallie wanna bliff it.. watashi wa tamago.. my wud-b self.. its tru wen dey sae dat workin adults will lose their wud-b self due ta deir workin demands.. i agree wif it.. but.. wad abt me?? will i lose mine one dae?? i wanna bliff dat mine will alwaes remain.. hmmm.. i guess.. all i gotta do.. is ta bliff in myself ehs.. shinji watashi desu.. i'll gambatte ne..

different points of view..

2008-07-17T00:36:00.003+08:00

dunno y lehs.. thou todae was even more busier den ytd.. n left da ward even later den ytd.. but sumhw.. i felt more happier n fulfillin todae.. is sth wrong with me?? hehes.. guess sumhw.. its jus da different point of views i look frm.. todae was damn hectic n busy lahs.. dint even get ta go fer my break at all.. but many many lil things along da wae kinda picked my mood up..

first of all.. i saw denise todae.. as i was goin ta satellite pharmacy.. heard frm her dat one of my fren's mum is warded in my ward.. wanted ta go visit durin my break tym.. but reallie no tym at all sia.. all i can do is ta send her my prayers.. hope she'll recover faster.. but thou i dint manage ta go visit my fren's mum.. i saw my grp of nypsd.. kinda lifted my mood alil..

next.. was on my wae hm.. wen dad called.. i noe he's worried abt me.. everidae so late den go hm.. reallie very touched dat i still gt my family ta fall bak on.. n on da mrt hm.. i saw one of my ADN.. kinda shocked.. but sumhw.. we started a convo.. n i realised she was stayin in de same area as me.. reallie very touched.. she's lyk a mother figure ta us all.. hees..

n lastly.. saw da tagged by car.. sumhw along da wae in work life.. i tink i reallie neglected my frens alot.. reallie very happie wen i noe dat dey dint forget abt me.. jus had a chat with car in msn.. updated abt our lives n all.. hope next yr can take AL tog.. den we can all go overseas tog liaos.. cant wait cant wait.. gt me so xcited nw.. hehes..

guess afterall.. in dis busy life of mine.. wad i nid most is my family n frens.. of cos nt forgettin sayangs as well.. even thou sumtyms tings mabbe very rough.. but as long as i take it as a challenge.. n look at it on da briter side.. i'll breeze thru n bcome a stronger person.. whee~~ hehes.. yays.. sayang called.. gotta go.. till next tym.. ciaos..

wassup wif sum people..

2008-07-16T00:41:00.006+08:00

damn irritatin sia.. wassup wif sum ppl sumtyms?? i mean.. isnt dis their job.. y cant dey jus do it properly?? n fer sum other ppl.. onli noe hw ta sae.. dunno hw ta do.. shyt sia.. hais.. so angrie.. jus read my horoscope.. n guess wad.. dis is wad was written..

Your Horoscope for JULY 15, 2008
Respect your elders today, TAURUSGAL. You might find that they are in teaching mode and that there is a great deal of wisdom that they are trying to pass on to you. Make sure you meet any authority figures eye-to-eye, and listen carefully to what they have to say. Be extra attentive and mindful of what sort of messages you are projecting through your body language.

coincidence?? i tink nt la.. budden.. even thou dey r my elders.. n mabbe i shud respect dem.. but dey oso mus b ppl i tink hu deserve my respect la.. hais.. damn.. moreover dey r much more more senior den me lahs.. wan me ta sae dem.. buey paise mehs..

hais.. dun sae liaos.. sae liaos more angry.. jus hope tmr wun kena dose 2 unresponsible ppl..

fer ya..

2008-07-14T19:32:00.002+08:00

hw did tings turn out dis wae?? i tot we were still okae ytd.. i reallie wanted todae ta go smoothly.. is dat askin too much?? hais.. mabbe im.. i reallie dunno.. is it wrong ta haf xpectations.. is it a bad ting?? mabbe i shudnt haf ani xpectations at all.. cos everitym i do.. i'll end up bein disappointed.. but.. dis isnt da wae i wanna spend my life.. a life w/o xpectations is so borin.. no colours at all..

doesnt matter.. wad matters most nw is.. wad shud i do nw?? hw shud i act arnd ya?? everiting seems so awkward.. i dunno wad ta sae.. hw ta act arnd ya.. i dun even noe if i shud msg ya.. wad ta msg ya.. n most imptly.. i dunno if i can last thru all dese.. if we can last thru all dese.. suddenly my heart feels so confused.. my mind feels so confused..

**love is such a complicated thing**

1st nite shift..

2008-07-10T04:42:00.002+08:00

its currently 4.45am.. n im slackin.. hehes.. its my first nite.. tired~ but i still lurve nite shift da most.. hehes.. jus waitin fer tym ta pass.. n i can c 'yangz in da mornin.. whee~ im still lurvin my shifts.. till my AL.. cant wait cant wait.. hehes.. arnd 1 mth plus.. its so gonna pass so fast lahs.. whee~ happie reen-chan.. 'yangz mus b prayin fer my gud mood lahs.. arigato sayang.. lub ya lots.. another 3 more hrs.. gambatte!! *mwwuuuuacks*

tez tez..

2008-07-01T20:25:00.002+08:00

yays~ finallie passed both my exams le.. both oncology n i/v(s).. hehes.. arigato sayang.. fer da support ya gave.. gomen-ne.. gave ya so much probs de past few daes.. but reallie reallie very happie.. m i weird?? hehes.. tink im too blessed liaos.. will start ta take tings fer granted.. budden.. im a princess.. arent i?? hehes.. still choosin new blogskin.. will update soon.. (^^,*)

fresh strawberries.. fresh start..

2008-06-28T11:11:00.004+08:00

sayang.. erms.. rmb i told ya dat i wanted ta delete my past?? i deleted sum.. but sumhw.. i tot abt wad ya said.. n i kinda regreted.. mabbe wad ya said is tru.. cos i cant delete my past.. so im bak.. wif a new blog.. dun ask wer's my old blog.. hees.. cos its a secret.. frm nw on.. i'll start afresh wif my new blog.. weee.. gambatte ne.. hope ta c ya blog up soon.. wells.. gues dat'll b all fer my 1st post.. hees.. till da nez tym.. cheers.. (^._.^)

p.s. strawberries anione?? my sakura romance frm 'yangz.. weee~